TMI, TMI

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We’ve talked about this before. It’s a pet peeve of mine.

Let’s agree that the Internet, cell phones, and the social media have changed the world. Looking at the larger picture, these technological advances have literally made possible social and political revolutions. As a writer, I applaud the advances in the digital world that have permanently altered the publishing landscape. To all this I say, Bravo!

But here’s my mini-rant for the day. Like 24/7 cable news, the social media is always looking for the next big, juicy story and unfortunately there are way too many faux celebrities who are more than happy to oblige by providing lurid details of their private lives. Skanks and ho’s abound. There I’ve said it and yes, I’m being judgmental. Enough.

But I grew up in an age where you did not discuss your sex life with anyone except possibly your best friend. Otherwise, what happened in the bedroom (or wherever) stayed there. You didn’t post your sexual escapade, along with Twitpics, before you would have had time to get dressed.

Here’s the incident that prompted this tirade. I don’t know Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, or for that matter Bruce Willis (although I did like the first couple of years of Moonlighting). So it’s safe to say that I shouldn’t know anything about who they do what with. But every time I open to the AOL home page, I am immediately updated on “The Scandal” that has erupted which involves Ashton cheating on Demi, with some skank, and Bruce, as Demi’s ex-husband, feeling obliged to let loose some whoop ass on the man with the roving eye (and other parts apparently).

Okay, as if this were not enough. Sarah Leal, the 22-year old at the center of “The Scandal,” felt obliged to tell US Magazine, that she wouldn’t have slept with Ashton had she known he was still married (he claimed he was separated). Good to know that she has standards. But she then went on to divulge all the pillow talk (which seemed mainly political), and the birth control method used (none). OY!

Look I know that gossip and sex scandals occurred long before Facebook was invented. I also knows that sex sells, and apparently money is often the motivation in these “Let me tell you what really happened that night” stories that I see. Dare I say this? If you sell your story of a sexual escapade, is that all that different than saying you’ll have sex for money? Um, and what is that called?

Bottom Line (and pun is intended): do what you want with whomever you want, assuming everyone is a consenting adult – but do me a favor, please shut up.

Marian

Brianna Sullivan Mysteries – e-book series
I Try Not to Drive Past Cemeteries- Kindle – Nook – Smashwords
The Dog Days of Summer in Lottawatah- Kindle – Nook – Smashwords
The Holiday Spirit(s) of Lottawatah- Kindle – Nook – Smashwords
Undying Love in Lottawatah- Kindle – Nook – Smashwords
A Haunting in Lottawatah – Kindle – Nook – Smashwords
Lottawatah Twister – Kindle – Nook – Smashwords

Sullivan Investigations Mystery – e-book series
Murder Off the Books Kindle – Nook – Smashwords
Riley Come Home (short story)- Kindle – Nook – Smashwords

Romances
Love Lessons – Kindle – Nook – Smashwords

Stroking the Muse

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By Laura Spinella

Dear Inner Muse,

It’s been a rough month. The cat died, and those pesky kids, as you refer to them, do require an occasional glance on my part. I know how much you loathe reality writing, (aka cash in exchange for the F-word… freelance writing) but I don’t see much choice in the matter. I understand that you’re currently annoyed with me. But do you think you could ease up and cut me some slack?

It all goes back to that nasty confrontation. You know, when I asked you to get on board flipping THE IT FACTOR, our 114,000 word creation, from an alternating first/third-person narrative to strictly third-person. I appreciated your hesitation: you are in charge. I get it. Since when do I take massive third-party advice and go against the Muse? But, seriously, she is our agent. You’re right, I’ve no idea if she possesses an Inner Muse, but I can tell you that she does have missile-like radar when it comes to what works and what doesn’t. Frankly, I think we’d be idiots not to listen.

I know; I heard your warning, not to mention the persnickety mirth when I explained what we needed to do. Quote: “Are you insane? Do you have any idea how much effort it took to coerce and cajole your sad little prose into a viable story? Most of that book is written in first-person. You might as well start translating War and Peace into Pig Latin, because that’s pretty much what you’re asking.”

If I can say, I think you were overstating just a tad. Granted, it’s not been a breeze. The shift from first to third is a domino effect, changing sentence structure and voice. Simple words that fit in first-person are left lost and out of place when read in third. Of course, matters were further complicated when you suggested kicking the plot up a notch. Don’t deny it; I was there. “Gosh, while we have the thing wide open here, wouldn’t it be great if Isabel’s feelings were less obvious from the beginning? And if Aidan and Anne had a past, well, that would heighten the conflict.” These, dear Muse, were not my ideas but yours. I’m not saying they weren’t good. I’m only asking if we can see our way clear to wrapping things up soon. Like, say, before technology figures out how to imprint books directly onto readers’ brains, thus subjugating the need for printed words. I know nothing as pedestrian as profit interests you, but certainly my take on that format would be about –12 cents a copy. BTW, Muse, did you know there’s no cent sign on this keyboard?

I digress. The bottom line is we’ve been going at it full throttle for weeks. I hear it. I feel it, that same rhythm we had while writing BEAUTIFUL DISASTER. You remember, you tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Hey, I know a guy. He’s got a hell of a story if you’re interested…” We’re doing that again. We’re almost there. So if you could loosen the reins a bit, I’d appreciate it. I fear if this keeps up, one of us won’t make it out alive, and I’d really hate for it to be me.

Your Ardent & Faithful Servant,

Laura Spinella

PS–Love you, Ted! Best cat that ever lived to toss a hairball!

Fingers crossed if you can, BEAUTIFUL DISASTER is a finalist for NJRWA Golden Leaf Contest, winners announced next week! You can always find me on FB  http://www.facebook.com/BeautifulDisasterANovel or at http://www.laurapsinella.net/  Have you read BEAUTIFUL DISASTER yet?

The Stiletto Scoop!

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There’s so much going on behind the scenes with all the members of the Stiletto Gang that we thought we’d take a minute to share all the latest news with you!  And we’d like to take the opportunity to welcome the well-heeled and multi-published Laura Bradford to the fold!  So take a minute to say “hi” to Laura and read what’s up as you sip your coffee this fine Thursday morning (or as you sip your wine if it’s dinnertime!).
Maggie Barbieri’s sixth Murder 101 Mystery, Physical Education, will hit bookstores at the end of November.  She’s currently hard at work on the seventh installment in the series, a book that’s tentatively entitled Extra Credit.  But most exciting of all is that Maggie will be writing a new series for St. Martin’s, debuting in 2013 with The Comfort Zone.  Think “Dexter” meets “Desperate Housewives” and you’ll get an idea of the story behind Maeve Conlon, suburban soccer mom, professional baker, and vigilante.  Are you feeling lucky, soccer punk?  http://maggiebarbieri.com/
Laura Bradford is just three weeks away from the launch of Dangerous Alterations, the fifth book in her Southern Sewing Circle Mystery Series written as Elizabeth Lynn Casey. She’s busy writing the seventh book in the series as well as looking at copy edits for the first book in her upcoming Amish Mystery Series written as Laura Bradford. Busy, busy, busy!  http://www.laurabradford.com/
Joelle Charbonneau’s latest Rebecca Robbins Mystery, Skating Over the Line, was released by St. Martin’s on September 27, and she has a new series coming out in July of 2012 from Berkley, starting with Murder for Choir.  Sing hallelujah, c’mon, get happy…er, mysterious!  http://www.joellecharbonneau.net
Both halves of Evelyn David are furiously writing Trick or Treat in Lottawatah, hoping to have it published within the next two weeks. Oooky, spooky, mysterious, and fun! It’s the newest Brianna Sullivan e-book. They’re also almost ready to have their agent start the rounds with a completely new Evelyn David mystery so they’d appreciate fingers and toes crossed so that this new book quickly finds a home!  Crossing stilettos!  http://www.evelyndavid.com
Maria Geraci says she’s almost ready to turn in a very late manuscript to her editor at Berkley. Yay! The book that was once titled The Ugly Girlfriend has a new name. It’s now A Girl Like You and will be out August 2012. She’s also excited and pleased to announce that her short story, “Noche Buena,” will be featured in an anthology titled Sleigh Ride which will come out this November 11. There are seven short stories and they all feature a sleigh ride. A portion of the proceeds will go to benefit victims of domestic violence.  http://mariageraci.com
Lori Gondelman (http://www.lorisreadingcorner.com/) and her Blogging BFF Jen (http://crazy-for-books.com/) are co-hosting a Trick & Treat Spooktacular from Oct 14-31. Each day an author will have a Trick post and a Treat post, one on each blog. Both blogs will be doing a book giveaway and, at the end, they’ll have a HUGE treat giveaway. Maggie Barbieri will be the author closing out the Spooktacular event!  Sounds ghoulishly fun!
Bethany Maines is eight chapters away from finishing her Orcas Island mystery if she sticks to the plan (Stick to the plan, Bethany! Stick to the plan!), after which she’ll start on a few Carrie Mae Mysteries short stories for e-release. In the meantime, she’s ramping up for the holidays. Says Bethany, “I know that sounds scary, but I’m actually really looking forward to this year.  Bring on the baking!”  http://bulletproofmascara.com/
Susan McBride appeared on “Great Day St. Louis” on October 12, doing another Great Reads segment. On October 22, she’ll take part in the second SLIBA Bookstore Cruise, signing Little Black Dress at Sue’s News in the St. Louis Galleria.  On October 30, she’ll be one of eight authors participating in the second annual Wine, Wit & Lit fundraiser for Casting for Recovery, a nonprofit organization that supports breast cancer survivors.  And she’s trying hard to write Little White Lies, her next women’s fiction book, due December 1 (gulp!).  http://susanmcbride.com
Marilyn Meredith is busy promoting Bears With Us, polishing the next book in the Deputy Tempe Crabtree mystery series, and writing a new Rocky Bluff P.D. crime novel.  Needless to say, her days are rather hectic. And to top it off, she and her hubby are going on a week long cruise to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.  Happy anniversary, Marilyn!  http://fictionforyou.com/
Laura Spinella’s debut, Beautiful Disaster, is a finalist in the New Jersey Romance Writers of America’s Golden Leaf Contest.  Winners will be named at their annual conference on October 31.  (Good luck, Laura!!!)  For a peek at the first chapter of BD, visit http://www.facebook.com/BeautifulDisasterANovel?sk=app_150903068337795!  Laura’s finishing up a round of revisions on her second novel, The It Factor, which she hopes to complete by mid-November.  http://lauraspinella.net

What is it I’m doing again?

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or
How I Think Publishing Works
by Bethany Maines
As the author in residence to my friend’s and family, I frequently receive questions about the publishing industry.  Well, let’s be honest, frequently is stretching it.  More like occasionally, but I still get them and usually it goes something like this…
Them: You published a book? That’s cool.  How does that work?
Me: Well, you write a book, try to get an agent, and then the agent sells it to a publisher.
Them:  Yeah, but after that, how does it all work?  And what’s this thing with Amazon that I’ve been reading about lately?
Me: Uh… Does any body need more salsa? I have to go get more salsa.
After awhile I just couldn’t eat anymore salsa, so I did some research and I thought some of you might be interested in what I found out. This, in broad strokes, as far as I can tell, is how books get to you.  Don’t worry, I’ve also included a handy infographic.  If you feel that I am incorrect in some way, please comment and let me know.  This information is relatively hard to get in a linear progression, so I’ve had to piece it together as I come across it – I welcome all input.
Agents select manuscripts and sell them to publishers.  At the same time Publishers also seek out manuscripts on their own – either from celebrities or from their “slush pile.”  A manuscript gets selected to become a published book. The publisher has a couple of options for distribution; either they have sales reps who sell the book directly to booksellers and club stores (like Cost-Co and Sam’s Club) or they sell their books to distributors and wholesalers.  Distributors and wholesalers sell books to bookstores, club stores, and they also sell to the non-bookstores like Fred Meyer, Target, gift shops, airports, and grocery stores.  Publishers set the release date and release e-books at the same time that a distributor sends books to bookstores.  Bookstores buy books at a 40-50% discount and sometimes have as much as 6 months to return books (if they don’t sell) to the publisher or distributor/wholesaler for either cash or credit against future purchases.  Which is how an author’s sales can look great the first week after publication, but not so great months later after “the returns” are in. Publishers and booksellers also provide an internet location to buy the book.  Then you, the reader, buy the book and/or e-book.
Now we get to Amazon.  Amazon decided that it did not need wholesalers and most distributors… because they didn’t.  They get their books directly from publishers or from distributors that represent publishing houses that don’t handle their own sales. Wholesalers and distributors are mad at Amazon because Amazon has essentially cut them out of the business.  Bookstores are mad at Amazon because they feel that Amazon, due their deals with the publishers, can undercut bookstore prices, thus driving them out of business.  Amazon has also offered a service to writers that let them self-publish (also known as vanity publishing) print-on-demand books and e-books; writers, of course, took to the process like a duck to water.  With that much content floating around, next Amazon decided that it doesn’t need publisher’s either, because they can buy their own manuscripts and sell them.  So… publishers, distributors, wholesalers, and bookstores are all mad at Amazon.  So far the only people who aren’t mad are the consumers and the content providers – readers and writers.           
Interestingly, I looked at the prices for print-on-demand books through Amazon a year or so back and I remember the number as being about $9 a book.  Which, I thought, was a little high, but manageable if you were selling the book at $15.  I recently looked at Amazon’s print-on-demand options and saw that they had raised the prices significantly and added additional fees for “expanded distribution.” Which leads me to speculate that Amazon may be attempting to let the air out of the self-publishing balloon.  After all, why would they let self-publishers provide cheaper (and possibly just as good) content on Amazon distribution channels when it would be a direct competition to their own publications?
There’s plenty more to be said about publishing, self-publishing, marketing, and how publishers decide who gets what marketing dollars, but that would be a subject for another day.  And now, please enjoy your infographic.

Flaws and all

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by: Joelle Charbonneau
Last Friday was the three year anniversary of my father’s passing. That day and the events that followed feel as though they happened a decade or more ago. And yet, it feels like only yesterday that I talked to him.

I miss our talks. We didn’t talk about anything particularly deep or earth

shattering. He was my first phone call if I had a problem with a

faucet, a window screen or a water heater. He might not know how to fix it himself, but he always had a guy who did know.

Dad and I also talked about sports. Baseball, basketball, football, golf. Dad loved them all. Every March we filled out our NCAA brackets and compared notes of the various teams in the tournament. During the opening days of the field of 64, Dad and I would call each other to report upsets or exciting moments. I haven’t filled out a bracket sheet since he died.
My father was always proud of me no matter what I did. He wasn’t always the biggest fan of theater, but he came to all of my shows. While I’ll never know if he would have read my books (the first one went under contract 9 months after he died), I am certain he would have told anyone and everyone that they were the best books ever. As far as cheerleaders go, Dad was one of the best.
Of course, like anyone, Dad had his less than perfect moments. I’ve heard people say that the longer someone is gone, the more the survivors tend to remember only the good things about that person. The other stuff fades. I guess I’m not most people because the longer my father is gone, the more I want to remember the stuff that used to annoy me. Without that stuff, Dad wouldn’t have been Dad.

Dad wasn’t always the easiest to get along with. (Not that I am, but that is another story for another day.) He was stubborn. When he got mad he never told you why he was upset. Instead, he stopped talking all together. And he always had a list of things that needed to get done no matter what plans anyone else in the house might have. We used to get so frustrated when my father nixed doing something fun on the weekend because he had to paint the gutters, wax the car, mow the lawn or any number of other things that could have technically waited until tomorrow. For my father, tomorrow was never soon enough.

Like the best characters in our books, my father had flaws. Without those flaws our family might have spent more time going to the movies or on vacation, but those flaws made him who he was. At time those flaws made me want to tear out my hair, but now, thinking about them makes me smile. When I write, I try to remember that it is the flaws that often make a character relatable and endearing. The things that irritate the other characters around them are the things that make the reader laugh or nod their head in understanding. How many times have you found yourself reading something and think, “Yeah, my mom does that.” or “That sounds just like my Aunt Edna.” No one is perfect. Not in real life or on the page. If they were – well that would just be boring.

So in honor of my dad, I thought today would be a great day to remember both the wonderful things and the flaws about the people we miss the most. Let’s share the moments that made them the people that we loved. Together we will all smile and more important we will all remember.

Where are the Grown-Ups?

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Kate Winslet is on a roll. The Oscar, Emmy, and Golden Globes winner, recently added heroine to her list of triumphs when she literally carried a 90-year old woman to safety from a burning house. Perhaps even more impressive is Ms. Winslet’s view on divorce and kids. Now, of course what is said in an interview isn’t always a reflection of reality, but I sure hope so, because the twice-divorced mother of two said of her most recent split, “We’re grown-ups at the end of the day, and however hard it’s been for me, it’s been equally hard for him. And we have a child together who we both love — and raising him together, jointly and without any conflict, is absolutely key.”

I’ve got no idea how crazy David Arquette, actor and current Dancing with the Stars contestant, can be. His history of addiction to alcohol and drugs is well-known. But again, it appears that he and Courtney Cox are determined to co-parent their young daughter despite their messy break-up. Ms. Cox and daughter Coco have been in the front row of the dance competition every week, cheering on the often-times flat-footed, but enthusiastic Arquette.

I love when parents understand that they are the adults in the family. Bravo to the divorced couple who is determined that their kids will never be used as weapons or become collateral damage. Children are entitled to their childhoods, regardless of the status of their parents’ love lives. It’s the same reason why I’m so strident against reality shows that feature young kids. The private lives of children should not be used as entertainment for the masses nor as a method of supporting their families.

In the last sixteen months, since the birth of my granddaughter Riley, I’ve been reintroduced to the enormous responsibility that parenting entails. When I babysit and Riley snuggles down, head on my shoulder, completely relaxed as she falls asleep, I recognize the complete trust she has that I’ll take care of her, protect her, literally throw myself in front of the proverbial bus for her. That’s the essence of parenting. It’s what Riley’s parents give her every day.

Every child deserves that. Every child deserves the chance to see the world through innocent eyes. Every child deserves to believe that her Mom and Dad are heroes – willing and able to protect her at all costs. I’m not suggesting that once your child is born you forfeit your right to happiness or ambition. But your priorities must change. Your decisions must be weighted by the impact on someone so completely dependent on you.

All of which explains why I can’t read certain popular authors. It has nothing to do with their writing, which is extraordinary, and everything to do with the subject matter. I won’t read a story where a child is murdered or abused. It’s not that I don’t recognize that sadly too many kids have faced that fate. But I read for enjoyment. I love mysteries because I love puzzles, but no matter how compelling or perplexing the puzzle in a mystery may be, if the case involves a child being hurt, I can’t get past that fact to lose myself in the story.

This past weekend was Yom Kippur, the holiday that ends the Days of Awe, a time of reflection and redemption. I wish for every child and for each of you, a happy, healthy new year, full of love, joy, and peace.

Marian

Brianna Sullivan Mysteries – e-book series

I Try Not to Drive Past Cemeteries- Kindle – Nook – Smashwords
The Dog Days of Summer in Lottawatah- Kindle – Nook – Smashwords
The Holiday Spirit(s) of Lottawatah- Kindle – Nook – Smashwords
Undying Love in Lottawatah- Kindle – Nook – Smashwords
A Haunting in Lottawatah – Kindle – Nook – Smashwords
Lottawatah Twister – Kindle – Nook – Smashwords

Another Year Sneaking Up On Me

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by Susan McBride

Yes, it’s my birthday month, and I’m turning 47 this year (a little over a week from today as a matter of fact!).  It’s amazing how quickly birthdays sneak up.  Kind of like blog due dates.  I think I’ve just finished with one and then another races around to bite me in the butt.

I remember loving birthday parties as a kid.  My mom used to go all out.  We’d think up a theme, send out invitations to my classmates and neighborhood friends.  Sometimes we’d have the party at home, playing games inside and out; other times, we’d head to a kid-friendly petting zoo or area park. I just remember being so excited for the day to arrive and very sorry (and tired) when it was over.

These days, I have to catch my birthday circled on the calendar to remind myself it’s approaching.  I worked through my birthday last year (yes, sadly, I told both sides of the family I couldn’t take the time off to do dinner or anything else because every writing hour was precious).  I’m on an equally insane deadline this year, but I’ve decided I will most certainly take off my birthday.  It falls on a Sunday, and Ed’s itching to get back to Pumpkin Land (since we haven’t been in a couple years).  He wants to do the corn maze (must remember to wear old “creek” shoes) and buy our pumpkins there (a lot more fun than picking them up at the grocery store).

Honestly, birthdays are still fun, but I don’t worry so much about celebrating them.  The older I get–and the more crap I go through–the more I think that every day is a celebration.  Yeah, I’m sure I’ve said that before (again and again), but it’s true.  If I see something I want to buy Ed–or a friend–I go ahead and get it.  I don’t care if a holiday is anywhere near.  If I want to treat myself to a pedicure or a cupcake, I’ll do it.  Life is one big birthday and the party should last as long as we’re around to take part in it.

So not this Sunday but the next, I’ll be tearing my fingers away from my keyboard and laughing my head off as Ed and I try to negotiate ourselves out of a crazy corn maze (I’ve seen corn stalks trampled when people get fed up and need a quick way out–but no short-cuts for us!).  I can’t wait to pick out pumpkins from a real farm and take them home to set on the stoop (I don’t carve them anymore–I just leave them out for the squirrels, who like to munch on them when they get hungry).

Whatever you do on my birthday, have fun!!!  And make like it’s your birthday, too.  🙂

From the Mind of a Guilt-Ridden Perfectionist

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by Maggie Barbieri

Hello, it’s me again. You get me two days in a row. Why? Because a guest blogger is a no-show, undoubtedly felled by an over-packed schedule and a failure to keep everything he or she had planned to do in a neat little row in his or her mind. I can totally understand. Remember, I’m the girl who still uses a paper planner and writes down EVERY SINGLE TASK that needs to be tackled in a given day. Some days, I cross everything off the list. Others, I may cross one thing off and leave a trail of broken, self-imposed promises on the page, my neat little handwritten notes a sad reminder of what I didn’t accomplish.

But back to memory. I pride myself on having a good one, although sometimes, I’m human, just like everyone else. (My husband and kids will guffaw mightily if they read this. They know for a fact that I’m human.) Curiously, I can go to the grocery store three times a week and always fail to come home with two products that we use in great quantity here: toilet paper and peanut butter. Despite my best efforts, I usually get everything else I’ve gone into the store for, and forget these two crucial items. The result? I end up buying them at the local mom and pop and spending at least triple what they would cost at the store. It’s like I have a mental block against toilet paper and peanut butter, two items that have never done me wrong. My lack of attention to purchasing them is confounding.

Writing a mystery series—and I’m knee deep in book 7 as I write this post—requires a good memory as well as some handwritten notes. For me, I have a host of characters who live in my head—Alison, Crawford, Max, and Fred, predominantly—but others who make an appearance very now and again and require my attention so that they can tell me their back story and let me know how they would react to a given situation. For instance, I have a kid right now in the new book, the name of whom Alison can’t remember. His name? Alex. Why? Because that’s what his great-grandfather’s name was, the great-grandfather who came to this country from Russia with just the clothes on his back and currency that converted to three dollars. Is this germane to the story? No. But Alex told me his backstory and I need to be attentive to that. Now, if Alex happens to reappear in a future book, I’d like to say that I will remember this backstory verbatim, but there is a slim chance that great-grandfather will have come to this country from Poland with the clothes on his back and currency that converted to ten dollars. Why? Because my brain is crammed. With ideas, with characters, with plots, with the reminder that I need to buy peanut butter and toilet paper the next time I go to Shoprite.

Why am I telling you this? Well, it’s simple: sometimes I get messages from people who have spotted an inconsistency in one of my books. In an earlier book, someone may have had black hair, and in a subsequent book, it’s a shade lighter. All I can say is that I do my darnedest, really I do, to make sure that these types of inconsistencies don’t happen. Fellow blogger Susan McBride told me that a famous author—who shall remain nameless—once wrote an essay about this very issue. He said, and I’m paraphrasing, that he does his best, but his goal is to tell a good story. So what that character A had a brother in book 1 and then three sisters and no brother in Book 6? It doesn’t matter to famous author. He wants you to enjoy his books for their story, not specifically for the continuity.

I’m not there yet, in terms of attitude. I’m still trying really hard to make everything as consistent as it can be in every book I write, but I, like other authors, make mistakes, and sometimes, forget things. (See: peanut butter and toilet paper.) I’m a perfectionist, really I am (insert husband and kids guffawing) so it pains me to think that I’ve missed something. All this to say that we’re all doing our best to make sure every t is crossed and every i is dotted and that everyone has the same number of siblings and the same color hair every time we publish a new book.

And if you see me around town, do me a favor? Remind me to buy toilet paper and peanut butter, please?
_______________

***Breaking News!!! Physical Education is available for pre-order at Amazon now!!!

The Fountain of Youth

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I was out to dinner with a group of friends the other night.  As a way of describing us, let’s just say that we are all past forty and looking forward to the wonder that is fifty; in two cases, anyway, the women are experiencing the wonder of fifty.  In any event, we were discussing the idea of plastic surgery and wondering if any of us would pull the trigger and go in for any procedures.  Having been the only one who had had a massive, unplanned surgery that didn’t result in the extraction of a baby too big to birth, I cautioned them that having elective surgery was something that they all should consider thoughtfully.  I let them know that surgery is not for the faint of heart. 
One friend’s response to the question of plastic surgery was the old Coco Chanel trope, “You can either focus on your ass or your face.”  My friend had chosen her ass but I have to say, her face looks pretty damned good, too, mostly because she’s Italian and Italians, in my opinion, age much better than the Irish.  (You’d think with all that rain, we’d have perfected that dewy complexion thing.  We haven’t.  In addition to the rain thing, we’ve got the booze thing, and that’s hard to shake off, even after generations of good dermatology.)  Another friend said she might consider an eyelift.  I, for one, would consider having the fat sucked out of my chin and then remembered the massive, unplanned surgery and put that idea to rest.  Another friend is so thin and so fit that she doesn’t have a line on her face and still looks like a sixteen-year-old.  We hashed this out over a few glasses of Chianti and then it finally dawned on me:  plastic surgery is a slippery slope.  It’s kind of like painting your kitchen and then looking at your dining room and thinking, “Wow, that looked ok before, but now?  Not so much.”  Where do you stop?  Do you stop with the chin and hope the rest of the face continues to look good or do you go whole hog and get the whole kit and caboodle done?  I suspect that if you get one “problem area” taken care of, you find that you need to get another one done, and then another, and then, all of them done until you’re deciding to get your ears—now too low on your head—moved up to accommodate your new, stretched thin face.
I had put this whole conversation out of my mind until this past weekend.  Every Rosh Hashanah, despite the fact that we are the goyest of the goy, we head to Massachusetts to visit my mother’s brother and his family.  The kids are off from school, which makes it the perfect time for a road trip.  My aunt and uncle couldn’t be more hospitable, but something I always forget until we’re there is that a) we eat a lot (making trying to stay on Weight Watchers fruitless) and b) there is not a light bulb in the house that is less than one hundred and fifty watts (which makes seeing yourself for the first time in the early morning light the most frightening experience you could ever have).  As I was putting my makeup on Friday morning, I regarded my reflection with alarm.  Had I sprouted a full beard and mustache overnight?  Did I have more wrinkles now than when I had gone to bed?  When did my eyes start drooping like that?  Were my teeth always the color of corn? What exactly had happened to me while I slept?
I came down to breakfast, a little defeated, wondering how I went out in the world without being chased by villagers with pitchforks.  It wasn’t until I was in the car with my mother—the only person you should ask questions of if you want totally honest answers—that I had the nerve to ask her, “Is it the lighting in the upstairs bathroom or do I look as bad and as old as that mirror would have me believe?”  I held my breath while waiting for the answer but her hysterical laughter was all I needed to hear.  Turns out that under the harsh light of an operating-room set of marquee lights, none of us look that good.  Including my twelve-year-old son who was mumbling about Botox on the way home.
So, I have determined that it’s not plastic surgery, or visits to a pricey dermatologist or esthetician, or shooting your face up with unknown products that harden under your skin and smooth out the wrinkles that are the key to aging gracefully.  Rather, it’s really simple:  good lighting.  A quick trip to Target for some forty-watt bulbs and I’ll be all set. Hubby will think that I slept in a time machine and have emerged looking like I did in 1991 (without the bad perm and the shoulder pads).   I’ll look dewy, fresh, young, and rested.  Now, I just have to figure out how to change the light bulbs in my aunt and uncle’s house every Rosh Hashanah without them catching on.
What are your secrets to the fountain of youth, Stiletto friends?
Maggie Barbieri

Always a Finalist, Never a Winner

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I was going to call this post Always a Bridesmaid Never a Bride–but since I’m on my 60th year of marriage, that really doesn’t work.

As most of you know who read this blog on a regular basis, I’m primarily a mystery writer. However, I’ve written in other genres too: historical family sagas, psychological horror, Christian horror, and then there’s Lingering Spirit which I’ve always described as a romance with a touch of the supernatural.

I wrote it long ago and it was based on something that happened to one of my daughters but greatly fictionalized. It was published once before as an e-book way back before not many even knew what that meant–and it really didn’t go anywhere, or if it did I never saw any royalties. I took back the rights and later offered it to Oak Tree Press who is publishing my Rocky Bluff P.D. crime series. The publisher loved the book and put it out in trade paper. She put it on Kindle last year which made it eligible for the Epic contest and she entered it. (Epic is an organization for e-published authors and publishers, and I’ve been a member since their second year in existence.)

I recently heard that Lingering Spirit is a finalist in the supernatural/metaphysical category (or something like that.) Of course I’m thrilled, but my track record for the Epic contest isn’t so great. I can’t tell you how many of my books have been finalist (oh, I probably could if I took the time to count back), but I think it’s probably five or six. And though I’ve gone to every awards ceremony where my books were finalist, I always returned home empty-handed.

I’m not going to attend the 2012 Epicon where the awards will be handed out–do you think that might change my luck? I doubt it. And that’s not the reason I’m not going. The truth of the matter is, I’m just getting too old to fly all the way across country and change planes two or three times. I’m just happy that a book I wrote so long ago has managed to become a finalist.

For anyone who is interested, Lingering Spirit is available on Kindle and also as in trade paperback from Amazon. If you’d like an autographed copy, you can order it from my website. http://fictionforyou.com/

Marilyn