Tag Archive for: motherhood

Hell What Now?

by Bethany Maines

The Navy SEALs must pass through something called Hell Week
in order to become an actual SEAL. 
If they can’t take Hell Week they can always ring the bell that
signals that they are opting out and then they get coffee and donuts. 
For five and a half days the SEAL candidates are expected to operate on
four hours of sleep while being cold, wet, and presumably yelled at (since no
one seems to do anything in the military without being yelled at).  To this I say… What pansies. 
OK, the cold and wet does sound miserable.  But try operating for three months on
four hours of sleep while being constantly yelled at and then having someone
puke in your pants.  And in your
hair.  And on just about everything
else.  Then we’ll talk.  OK, OK, so you can snap a man’s neck
with your bare hands.  I can shoot
milk out my boob.  What else you
All kidding aside, one of the unfortunate side effects of
becoming a mother (or probably a Navy SEAL) is that sleep is immediately
curtailed. Which makes lots of things, for instance, writing novels and running
a business, more difficult. 
Side effects of prolonged sleep deprivation include:
  • Weight Gain
  • Loss of Sex Drive
  • Impaired Alertness, Concentration, and Problem Solving
  • Depression
  • Aging Skin
  • Memory Loss
  • Greater chances of death due to accidents
  • Greater chances of other health problems

It’s not that being a mom is so difficult; it’s that being
anything else, while being a mom just increased in difficulty due to our
adorable little time sucking children and the constant sleep deprivation.  Which makes every word I type a minor
triumph. I will not be ringing the bell today. 

PS Please forgive any typos I may make.  I blame them on my daughter.
Bethany Maines
is the author of the Carrie Mae Mystery series and 
from the City of Destiny
. You can also view the Carrie Mae youtube video or catch up with her on Twitter and Facebook.

I don’t know how to do this!

by: Joelle Charbonneau

First off, let me apologize to you all for unloading, but I have to talk to someone. You are the lucky folks! So here’s the deal. The tot started preschool last week. YAY! He was excited to go. I was delighted to see him walk into the classroom without a backward glance. Honest. I couldn’t have been happier. Which is why I’m having a dilemma now.

I think I’m doing this parenting thing wrong.

Okay, I know parenting isn’t a science. There are hundreds if not thousands of books on the subject of parenting and most of them probably disagree with each other. Still, most of my friends profess to have been weepy when their child started school. My lack of tears makes me feel as if I’ve blown this mother gig. Was I supposed to cry? It’s not like I don’t love having him home with me. He’s a happy child. He can entertain himself when I need to take a phone call or get some e-mails written. When I go off to Bouchercon this week I’ll miss him terribly.

But I didn’t cry. Not one tear. I wasn’t worried about whether he’d like preschool. Clearly, he was delighted to be going. I wasn’t worried if he’d miss me or if he was growing up to fast. The teachers are lovely ladies and the parents who know and have worked with them in the past love them, so the care and attention my son would receive didn’t worry me.

No. My only worry was for the stress level of the teachers themselves. Particularly when faced with my very active and cheerful child. Because he deals with me day in and day out, he listens to me. (Well, as much as any child of 3 listens to anyone.) However, for those he does not know as well – all bets are off. If he likes to do something, he’ll be attentive. If not…he cheerfully goes about entertaining himself in another way. Which is probably why instead of shedding a tear for the growing up of my precious and highly precocious child, I wished his teachers well and ran for the hills. When I picked him up – all was well. My son loved school. His teachers were in one piece.

Today is his second day of preschool and once again I am delighted to walk him to the classroom and leave him explore the world around him. No sadness. Still, no tears. (Still a little worry for the two instructors, but the tot and I are having a dialogue about listening to his teachers.)

I cry at Hallmark commercials. I weep through books and movies. And yet not a single tear for my son’s first adventure into schooling. And I can’t figure out why. So tell me Stiletto Gang friends—am I doing this parenting thing all wrong?

***And in case anyone is keeping score – SKATING OVER THE LINE launches in two weeks.  I plan on dry eyes and lots of happiness on that day, too!***