Do You Play Games?

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In my ongoing effort to declutter, I’ve been taking books to the Family Garden in the park and filling the Little Library there. I’m always thrilled when the last batch I loaded has been taken, and I’m happy to fill it up again. 

But on occasion, there are a few oldies I just can’t part with, like my very yellowed paperback edition of Games People Play, by Eric Berne. I recently spotted it on a shelf behind two other rows of books. (Yes, my bookcases are overburdened, no matter how much I try to lighten the load.)

Mind Games

Berne’s New York Times bestseller was based on his theory of Transactional Analysis, a cultural psychology phenomenon he introduced in the early 60’s. I encountered the book years later when it was assigned reading for an acting class, and again just recently, among other text books from my early days as a theater nerd.

Inside its yellowed cover, I had dutifully underlined paragraphs of Berne’s theories with a red ink pen. Over the years, several pages became unglued. But they were all accounted for, and chock-full of the kind of mind games that define unhealthy interpersonal transactions (or, in non-psychobabble: toxic relationships).

There are 36 “games” identified in its chapters, spread among seven classifications. “Life Games” include Kick Me, Now I’ve Got You, You SOB, and See What You Made Me Do, among others. These are followed by “Marital Games,” “Party Games” (not the children’s party variety) and “Sexual Games,” followed by three more categories. You can see some of them listed on the book’s back cover.

As a treatise on psychotherapy, the point is to get patients to recognize harmful patterns of mind games that are present in their own lives, and eventually, to learn how to stop them, whether the patient is the player or the played-upon. In acting class, it was meant to help us decode the depths of a character’s motivation.

The book is way too technical to be anything but a slog. But on reflection, I realize that I’ve internalized much of its wisdom over the years. It definitely helps me create more fully rounded characters in my writing, especially for villains like E.B. Odom in The Body Business.

And in real life, thankfully, I’ve managed to avoid—or at least identify and remove myself from—most situations in which I might be feeling “played.”

Fun Games

Speaking of more pleasant games, my favorite is the one I play with my husband almost every day at lunch, when I take a break from writing. As I wind down the morning, he’s making a delicious chopped salad which we share over a backgammon table. We’re pretty evenly matched at this game, and the competition’s friendly. Afterward, I’m refreshed for the rest of the afternoon.

Any kind of healthy game can serve as an antidote to any toxic thought gremlins that invade our tranquility. Lots of people I know play Wordle or some variation of it to relieve stress. Group games like Bridge, Poker, and Mahjong are popular again, too.

It may be impossible to permanently shut the woes of the world away, but there’s no harm in trying to raise the fun quotient for a few moments of peace.

Of course, you could also lose the blues by reading a good book!

When you’re plagued by toxic mind games, what do you do to stay calm?

Gay Yellen’s award-winning writing career began in magazine journalism.  She later served as the contributing editor for the international thriller, Five Minutes to Midnight (Delacorte), which debuted as a New York Times “Notable.”

Her multi-award-winning Samantha Newman Mystery Series is full of suspense, with touches of romance, heart, and humor. Available on Amazon or through your favorite bookseller.

Rabbit Holes & Root Beer

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Help! I’ve burrowed down another rabbit hole, and I’m stuck in a warren full of of too many possibilities. So deep am I into the research for my next book that I lost track of time. Which is to say, I almost forgot to write this post.

With no plan for what to post today, I turned to a holiday calendar for inspiration. Maybe this date in history would spark and idea. Boy, did it ever, though it sent me burrowing even deeper.

Turns out, today is National Black Cow Day. Curious as to why we should celebrate dark bovines, I clicked and learned that today’s Black Cow hoopla is all about a drink I’d always known as a root beer float—that delicious concoction of vanilla ice cream melting inside a tall, icy glass of root beer.

Okay, I thought, a fun subject, but not meaty enough to write about—until I read more, and discovered sassafras.

Sassafras is an incredibly fun word to say out loud. (Try it!)

It’s also the original ingredient in root beer, first marketed in America in the 19th century by Philadelphia pharmacist Charles Hires. But that’s not what kept me deep inside that rabbit hole.

When I discovered how important sassafras was to native tribes across the eastern half of what became America, I had to read on.

Here’s why: Attentive readers of my Samantha Newman Mystery Series may recall a mention in Book 3, The Body in the News, of the discovery of a possible ancient Native American campsite on Carter Chapman’s Serenity Ranch. With the idea of that as a plot point in the next book, I’ve been researching indigenous people who may have once inhabited the region.

Cornell Botanic Gardens

Who were these people? What did they eat? What tools did they use? Were they peaceful, or warlike? What might they have left behind at the campsite? I’ve already done a ton of research based on those questions, with more to go. And, to that, I now add this question: Did sassafras trees grow on their land?

Today I learned that every part of the sassafras tree was used by Native Americans from the east coast to west of the Mississippi into Central Texas. Roots from which root beer flavoring is derived were used as toothbrushes. An emetic made from bark was used in purification after funeral ceremonies. Leaves, rubbed onto bee stings, wounds, cuts, sprained ankles, and bruises, were thought to have healing properties.

Ground Sassafras/Cornell Botanic Gardens

Timber from the sassafras tree was used in construction, furniture making, and—when explorers learned of its utility— shipbuilding. By the early 18th century, sassafras became the second-most exported American product, right behind tobacco.

I could tell you everything I’ve learned about sassafras and the possible tribes who may once have hunted on what’s now Carter Chapman’s Serenity Ranch in my books, but I’m running out of time to get this posted.

Also, I have to get back to my research.

bittersoutherner.com

But I’ll leave the foodies among you with one more sassafras fact: its leaves were also dried and pulverized for use as a thickening and flavoring agent. If you’ve ever had true Cajun gumbo, you’ve enjoyed the flavor of filé, made from ground roots or leaves of the sassafras tree.

All of which makes me hungry for some gumbo right now. Maybe I’ll chase it with a few frosty swigs of a root beer float.

Happy National Black Cow Day to you, and may your day be full of fun adventures, down rabbit holes or wherever you roam.

Gay Yellen is the author of the award-winning

Samantha Newman Mystery Series including:

The Body Business, The Body Next Door, and The Body in the News!