Are Men More Romantic Than Women?

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Valentine’s Day can bring on a variety of emotions, from high-stakes excitement to blasé indifference, or even outright dread. But, ready or not, it’s barreling into our lives this week. Who loves romance more, men or women?

Romantic Love

Before we get into how we feel about it, a little history may shed some light on this red-letter date.

(Spoiler alert: The earliest celebrations were fraught with unpleasantness, to put it mildly.)

According to History.com the red-letter day began as an ancient pagan fertility ritual in which a goat was usually sacrificed. The poor animal’s hide was sliced into strips that were soaked in blood, which then got slapped (lovingly?) against young village women and nearby crop fields to insure successful procreation. Allegedly, that festival was so popular, it was observed for over a thousand years until, in the 3rd century, a February date was adopted to commemorate an entirely new horror: the martyrdom of Valentinus, an early church priest who advocated for marriage, a rite the emperor at the time apparently frowned upon.

Whew!

We can thank the Victorians for turning the date into an occasion for the  more humane ritual of exchanging cards and tokens of affection with people we liked.

Things remained in that pleasant mode for well over a century, until modern life took a more ironic turn. Nowadays, not all women pine for a Prince Charming. The old obligatory box of chocolates and bouquet of roses can fall short of making a woman swoon. Instead of hearts and flowers, it’s common to find restaurants that tout “Galentine” or “Palentine” specials to include a wider audience.

In my favorite new twist, even a well-respected institutions like the Museum of Natural Science is offering a chance to dedicate a live Madagascar hissing cockroach in honor of your favorite person.

Could this be another sign that Romantic Love is dying?

Not so fast, because hope sometimes comes from where you might least expect it.

According to an article in the New York Post, men outnumber women as fans of romance novels, at least in the world of publishing. A recent survey of 2,000 American romance readers revealed that more men in the survey consider themselves die-hard romance enthusiasts compared to women. And men spent more of their leisure time reading romance: 364 hours per year for men; 312 hours for women.

The survey also uncovered the mental images romance junkies think of while they’re reading. Seventeen percent of married readers picture their spouse as the love interest in a book, 21% conjure up a celebrity crush, and 7% confessed that they envision their ex. Awww…

For the writers among us, take note: regardless of gender, those same readers also mentioned their least-favorite romance tropes: love triangles, office romance, and fake dating (whatever that is).

Best loved? Forbidden romance, friends-to-lovers, enemies-to-lovers. What seemed most important to those readers: good character development, realistic dialog, and ample romantic moments. Not a bad checklist.

And speaking of romance, my award-winning Samantha Newman Romantic Mystery Series has just been named a Semifinalist at Chanticleer for their Best Series Award! That’s a Valentine I heartily welcome.

How about you, friends and readers, how do you feel about Romantic Love on this Valentine’s Day?

Gay Yellen’s award-winning writing career began in magazine journalism.

She later served as the contributing editor for the international thriller, Five Minutes to Midnight (Delacorte), which debuted as a New York Times “Notable.”

The Samantha Newman Mystery Series : includes The Body Business, The Body Next Door, and The Body in the News. The books are  packed with suspense,  romance, and humor. Available on Amazon or order through your favorite bookseller.  More at GayYellen.com

 

 

Clicking Our Heels – Family Stress Points and the Holidays

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Clicking Our Heels – Family Stress Points and the Holidays

Although we could talk about the wonderful aspects of the holiday season, we thought it would be fun to discuss what families often sweep under the rug – whether there are stress points that may become a flashpoint during the holiday season.

Mary Lee Ashford – We’ve worked really hard to not have family stress points during the holidays. After years of rushing about and stressing over food and gifts, we now just stay low-key and flexible. It makes it easier on everyone – I hope.

Bethany Maines – In my immediate family, not so much. But holidays during COVID forced some flashpoints within my extended family.

Debra Sennefelder – Yes. Deep breaths and daily (yes, daily) reminders that it’s only temporary.

Donalee Moulton – Fortunately, we have a holiday rhythm that is fluid and meets our needs individually and collectively. We all pitch in, we all come together, we all do our own thing. We laugh.

Anita Carter – Not very often.

Donnell Ann Bell – I am blessed with grown children who are extremely considerate and even-keeled. Outside interference has certainly turned into flashpoints that add stress. By the time this runs, I hope I can report all is resolved.

Gay Yellen – Our holidays are generally pretty serene. Since we don’t see family often, it’s always fun to catch up with what everyone’s doing.

Debra H. Goldstein – Getting together is wonderful. Our problem is trying to balance everything in terms of timing – whether it be necessary naps, squeezing in visits with non-family friends, figuring out when we want to sit down for meals, or things that come up that nobody anticipated. In the end, it all works out.

Lois Winston – Depends on the family members. It used to be really bad when my mother-in-law was still alive. We never got along. I got even, though. She’s the model for Anastasia’s communist mother-in-law in my Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mysteries. And yes, my mother-in-law was really a communist.

T.K. Thorne – I go into the holidays with the mindset of building treasured memories and relationships. That is a buffer for conflicts. …And I try to sneak in a bit of alone time. 🙂

Dru Ann Love – No.

Barbara J. Eikmeier – I need to bite my tongue or remove myself from the situation or I might say something that unintentionally hurts someone’s feelings.

Valentines, Shmalentines

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A couple of weeks ago, I received an email that opened with this: “Not interested in Valentine’s content?” It continued, very sympathetically: We understand this time can be tough. If you would prefer not to receive Valentine’s Day emails this year, you can opt out by simply clicking below. With love, your Etsy friends.

The whole thing made me wonder. Are American consumers so delicate that we can’t deal with Valentine’s Day if we’re without a valentine of our own? Will retailers now follow suit and spare people who are sadly bereft of a mother from the onslaught of Mother’s Day marketing? Or offer non-holiday shoppers relief from the five months-long Christmas advertising blitz?

Valentine’s Day has murky origins. Apparently, there were three different men named Valentine who achieved sainthood. Their individual stories differ, and are not particularly romantic. However, regarding the celebration of love on February 14, there’s this: In the Middle Ages in England and France, that date was commonly believed to be the start of mating season for birds, and thus, a day for romance. Somewhere along the way, those sexy Greek and Roman gods, Eros and Cupid, added their classical spice to the mix.

The oldest known valentine still in existence is a poem written in 1415. I haven’t been able to find the original text, so it may or may or may have gone something like this: Roses are red, violets are blue, thou hast the face of an olde cockatoo.

Times have changed, and romantic love has taken a beating in the past few decades. While I understand the yearning for a knight in shining armor who gallops across the moat carrying a dozen perfect red roses and a two pound box of Godiva, most princesses have moved on toward the notion that true love comes in different flavors, and doesn’t always arrive in the form of a macho man on his high horse.

Houston Museum of Natural Science

More and more women are celebrating Galentine’s Day. Marketers have picked up on the vibe, offering “Cupid is Stupid” specials at taverns, restaurants, and entertainment halls. At least one establishment in town advertises a special axe-throwing night for women only. Makes me wonder what shape or form the axe’s target resembles. Also turns my imagination toward a great plot idea for a Rom-Com Crime story.

This year, the Houston Museum of Natural Science invited its members to contemplate the mutual attraction of our Earth and Moon (above). They also encouraged those of us among the Valentine- or Galentine-perplexed to “Take a Bite out of Love” by giving our special someone this: a cockroach that can be cherished, or squished like a bug, according to your heart’s desire.

Houston Museum of Natural Science

Valentine’s and Galentine’s Days have another sibling. It’s called Palentine’s Day and it gives us all a chance to tell our best buddies that we love and appreciate them. I like this choice the best.

So today, I wish everyone—my readers, friends, family, and colleagues alike—a very Happy Palentine’s Day!

What’s your favorite thing to do on February 14th?

Gay Yellen is the award-winning author of the Samantha Newman Mystery Series, including The Body Business, The Body Next Door, and the upcoming Body in the News!

 

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