Are Men More Romantic Than Women?
Valentine’s Day can bring on a variety of emotions, from high-stakes excitement to blasé indifference, or even outright dread. But, ready or not, it’s barreling into our lives this week. Who loves romance more, men or women?
Romantic Love
Before we get into how we feel about it, a little history may shed some light on this red-letter date.
(Spoiler alert: The earliest celebrations were fraught with unpleasantness, to put it mildly.)
According to History.com the red-letter day began as an ancient pagan fertility ritual in which a goat was usually sacrificed. The poor animal’s hide was sliced into strips that were soaked in blood, which then got slapped (lovingly?) against young village women and nearby crop fields to insure successful procreation. Allegedly, that festival was so popular, it was observed for over a thousand years until, in the 3rd century, a February date was adopted to commemorate an entirely new horror: the martyrdom of Valentinus, an early church priest who advocated for marriage, a rite the emperor at the time apparently frowned upon.
Whew!
We can thank the Victorians for turning the date into an occasion for the more humane ritual of exchanging cards and tokens of affection with people we liked.
Things remained in that pleasant mode for well over a century, until modern life took a more ironic turn. Nowadays, not all women pine for a Prince Charming. The old obligatory box of chocolates and bouquet of roses can fall short of making a woman swoon. Instead of hearts and flowers, it’s common to find restaurants that tout “Galentine” or “Palentine” specials to include a wider audience.
In my favorite new twist, even a well-respected institutions like the Museum of Natural Science is offering a chance to dedicate a live Madagascar hissing cockroach in honor of your favorite person.
Could this be another sign that Romantic Love is dying?
Not so fast, because hope sometimes comes from where you might least expect it.
According to an article in the New York Post, men outnumber women as fans of romance novels, at least in the world of publishing. A recent survey of 2,000 American romance readers revealed that more men in the survey consider themselves die-hard romance enthusiasts compared to women. And men spent more of their leisure time reading romance: 364 hours per year for men; 312 hours for women.
The survey also uncovered the mental images romance junkies think of while they’re reading. Seventeen percent of married readers picture their spouse as the love interest in a book, 21% conjure up a celebrity crush, and 7% confessed that they envision their ex. Awww…
For the writers among us, take note: regardless of gender, those same readers also mentioned their least-favorite romance tropes: love triangles, office romance, and fake dating (whatever that is).
Best loved? Forbidden romance, friends-to-lovers, enemies-to-lovers. What seemed most important to those readers: good character development, realistic dialog, and ample romantic moments. Not a bad checklist.
And speaking of romance, my award-winning Samantha Newman Romantic Mystery Series has just been named a Semifinalist at Chanticleer for their Best Series Award! That’s a Valentine I heartily welcome.
How about you, friends and readers, how do you feel about Romantic Love on this Valentine’s Day?
Gay Yellen’s award-winning writing career began in magazine journalism.
She later served as the contributing editor for the international thriller, Five Minutes to Midnight (Delacorte), which debuted as a New York Times “Notable.”
The Samantha Newman Mystery Series : includes The Body Business, The Body Next Door, and The Body in the News. The books are packed with suspense, romance, and humor. Available on Amazon or order through your favorite bookseller. More at GayYellen.com
Congrats on being short listed… and for all the good pointers about “love.”
Thanks, Debra.
My first heartbreak was on Valentine’s Day. I spent hours picking out a card for my boyfriend (I was 15 and madly, passionately in love). I still remember it — two porcupines that were kissing and it said, “I love you so much it hurts.” He phoned me on Valentine’s Day to break up with me, and admitted he’d been seeing a very popular girl from school. All was not lost, however. I used that experience in my book SKELETONS IN THE ATTIC.
In happier news, my fingers and toes are crossed for your short-listed series!! You deserve it!
Oh, the heartbreak!, Judy! Such good material for creating a killer of a book!
First, Gay, huge congrats on your series being short-listed! Much deserved!
I’m very skeptical about that NY Post poll, especially since it’s the Post and not the Times or another more reputable newspaper. I suspect many of those men who claim to be reading romance don’t know the difference between a romance novel, erotica, and porn and lump them all into the category of “romance.”
I started out my career writing romance and attended many romance conferences and conventions, some with thousands of readers and/or writers. I could count the number of men in attendance on one hand most of the time, and they were usually editors, agents, or husbands of attendees.
I’m with you, Lois, in being a skeptic, but it does make for a timely discussion.
What an enlightening, if not romantic, lesson on Valentine’s Day. Great post, and congrats on the Chanticleer nod for your series. Fingers crossed!
Thanks, Saralyn. Happy Valentines Day!
Gay, congratulations on your Chanticleer nomination for best series. And thanks for the education on Valentine’s Day. Yuck! But good news that romance is alive and well. Fake dating? There’s a number of tropes in romance where a couple pretends to be together for some reason or another, then fall in love. Very popular in romance. Great post, thank you!
Donnell, thanks for the explanation of fake dating! I’ve somehow skipped over that one in my reading experience.