Getting It Together

“Someday I’ll get it all together,”
my husband mutters morosely as he struggles with something that slipped through
the cracks in his ultra-busy life. I’ve done the same myself many times. We’re
all juggling so many plates that it’s no wonder when one of them crashes to the
floor or is rescued from that fate only by a quick diving grab.

About a year ago, however, I
promised myself that I’d stop using that term “getting it all together,”
because I know—we all do, actually—that no one ever gets it all
together. In fact, it’s just a nice camouflaged way of saying, “Someday I’ll be
perfect.” And we wouldn’t say that out loud anywhere anyone else could hear us,
would we?

Of course, we wouldn’t, but every
time we say, “I’m going to get it all together,” we are pushing ourselves into
that perfectionist role. I bring this up because it’s something with which I’ve
struggled all my life. I aim for competence, wanting to be the best I possibly
can, the top of the class, in all areas of my life. But none of us can be the
top of the class in everything.

Over the years, I’ve had to realize
that I’m never going to win the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval—certainly
not for my housekeeping! As I’ve become more involved in the world of writing
novels for trade houses who want at least one novel a year, I’ve just given up
on the house. And very early in my life, I came to grips with the fact that I
will never be a fashionably-dressed, perfectly-made-up, stylish woman. I make
up for these failings in many other areas. But like many of us, I suspect, I
judge myself against the best in each area of my life. Against the woman who’s
cold to her family and has no friends, I hold up not my loving family and
friends but my messy home against her spotless, department-store-window house.
Against the woman who’s superficial and shallow, I hold up not my lifetime
pursuit of learning or my passionate concern with issues but my bare face and
comfortable shoes against her fashionista appearance.

I know I’m not the only one who does
this comparison of someone else’s strong point against my weak point. I suspect
it’s actually pretty common. But I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to do
this to myself—and part of overcoming it is discarding the concept of “getting
it all together.” Even those who seem on the surface to have it all together,
don’t. We’ve seen that again and again—the wealthy, famous, beautiful people
who seem on top of everything yet go plunging down the slopes, the woman (or
man) we always admired because she seemed to have everything in her life under
such good control, only to find she was flailing every day behind her
impeccable façade. Yet still, we put this burden of “getting it all together”
on our shoulders—and wonder why we walk slumped over.

So here and now, I’ll admit that I
don’t have it all together, nor am I probably ever going to have it all
together. I have too many areas where I’m simply not really together at all or only
partly together, on Wednesdays and Sundays. But I do have a few areas of
strength where I’m really at the top of my game—and I think those are where I’m
going to focus my energy now instead of trying to become the fashionista or
uber-hausfrau that I’m not. So, look out, world. Hear me roar! Just don’t look
at the shoes, please.