Shark versus Machine

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I was saddened to hear of the passing of Janet Reid, a.k.a., the Query Shark. As an aspiring author, I followed her blog posts on query letters and was fortunate to get a private critique by the Query Shark herself. Her comments and suggestions were spot on, but more than that, she appeared to care about the success of a newbie author. Even after exchanging three or four revisions of my query letter, the Shark emailed she found the perfect comp title for my story.

Who could replace such a publishing icon?

Like most writers, I’ve been educating myself about the explosion of artificial intelligence. I serve on the board of the Rocky Mountain Chapter of MWA and am researching an upcoming talk I’ll be presenting on the current state of artificial intelligence. During my research, I was surprised to learn some writers use ChatGPT for critique. Some even anthropomorphize the software, calling it “Chatty.”

I decided to take Chatty out for a spin. For authenticity, I found a query letter on the Query Shark’s website from July 30, 2023 (https://queryshark.blogspot.com ) to submit for a critique.

So how did Chatty stack up again the Shark? For a comparison, here is Chatty vs. Shark for each portion of the italicized query letter. Let me know which you prefer.

There are stories that never get told, but need to be. TITLE, a 92.000 upmarket women’s historical fiction tells the remarkably true stories of three generations of Italian women as they face World War II, the Fascist Movement, immigration, unexpected pregnancies, and a global pandemic. Challenging societal expectations, they experience the love, loss, and yearning for better that binds us all across generations.

Chatty says:

Shark says:
Clarify the Genre: While you mention “upmarket women’s historical fiction,” it might be helpful to briefly explain what this genre entails or how your book fits within it. This can provide agents with a better understanding of the market positioning of your novel. Are you thinking this is a hook?

(it’s not)

It’s more like the start of a book review.

An effective hook gives us a sense of the problem that drives the book.

Here’s the hook for All Roads Lead Me Back to You by Kennedy Foster [omitted for brevity]

See the difference?

The characters have an emotional component and we see what problem they face.

Vittoria was born in a small town in Northern Italy in 1914. Growing up in the absolute poverty of a war torn country, she longs for better and isn’t afraid to take on anyone, even Mussolini himself to find it. But challenging societal norms takes unexpected turns and soon she finds herself with the broken promise of a soldier, a growing belly, and no ring. 

Anna was born an illegitimate child amidst the height of World War II. Distrustful of men, yet always seeking their attention, she solicits the attention of the boy next door– the one with big dreams, who soon leaves for Canada, asking Anna to join him. She sees a chance for a new land, a new start, a new life. Who needs love when you have an opportunity? 

Grace was born the child of immigrants. Trying to make something of herself, she is tired of trying and quitting a million things – including relationships. No sooner does she commit to completing her master’s degree, then she meets Jax, and everything comes together and falls apart. Suddenly, there are too many choices and one big question: How does one define “better”?

Chatty says:

Shark says:
Condense the Synopsis: The synopsis for each character could be shortened slightly to maintain a strong narrative flow and to ensure that the query remains concise. Focus on the most compelling aspects of each character’s story.

 

 

 

 

 You’ve introduced three characters here, but there’s no plot.

Plot isn’t what happens. It’s not the events of the book.

Plot is choices the characters face and what’s at stake with those choices

You must have plot in a query, even if you’re querying a character-driven book.

You also don’t tell us how these women are connected. (Are they?)

Three generations makes me think they’re related to each other, but that’s not obvious from the query.

Also, by introducing all three characters equally, you can’t focus on the start of the story.

If the story begins with Vittoria, let’s give her more page time. If the story starts with one of the other two, lead with her, give her more page time.

You have a limited amount of space here to engage your reader. Focus on how the story starts.

Vittoria (or whomever) wants to (what?)

BUT, (problem) prevents her.

Now she must (choose a path.)

Get that on the page first.

Then show how the characters are linked.

You do NOT need the details of  Anna and Grace, unless one of them is the main character, not Vittoria.

TITLE would be the love child of Sisters in Arms by Kaia Alderson, Untamed by Glennon Doyle, What We Carry: A Memoir by Maya Shanbhag Lang, and The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah. 

Chatty says:

Shark says:
Comparative Titles: The comparison to other books is helpful for agents to understand the market potential of your novel, but try to be more specific about how your book relates to these titles. What elements or themes do they share? Resist the urge to be clever with comps.

Just say your book will appeal to readers who liked: Sisters in Arms by Kaia Alderson,

Untamed by Glennon Doyle,

This is a memoir. Don’t use NF as a comp for a novel, even historical fiction. 

What We Carry: A Memoir by Maya Shanbhag Lang,

also a memoir

and The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah.

This was pubbed in 2017 so it’s too old to be an effective comp.

If you take a look at the Amazon description of Sisters in Arms by Kaia Alderson, you’ll see there is conflict and tension (which is what you need in the query)

A melding of immigration, identity, I have my master’s in English with an emphasis in Technical Writing, and currently work as a content creator and SEO specialist. When I’m not working or writing you can find me reading a million children’s books to my one and two year old sons (or removing whatever object they’ve found to turn into a sword). I’m passionate about telling untold stories in literature, the stories that make us feel like we aren’t alone. 

Chatty says:

Shark says:
Personal Connection: Your personal background in English with an emphasis in Technical Writing and your work as a content creator and SEO specialist could be highlighted more prominently, especially if these experiences have influenced or informed your writing in any significant way. I am querying you because (whatever).

Thank you for your time and consideration of my submission.

Best regards,

Chatty says:

Shark Says:
Closing Statement: Consider adding a sentence that expresses your willingness to provide additional materials or answer any questions the agent may have. This can demonstrate your professionalism and eagerness to work with them. Thank you for your time and consideration of my submission.

Best regards,

You only need one closing.

Not a bad critique from Chatty but the advice offered is generic and superficial—advice that could apply to almost any query letter. Let’s see how the program opened the critique:

Your query is well-written and engaging, with a clear synopsis of your book and its themes. However, there are a few suggestions to consider for improvement:

And ended with:

Overall, your query effectively conveys the essence of your book and your passion for storytelling. With a few adjustments, it could become even more compelling to agents.

The Shark’s comments aren’t nearly as kind, but that’s because agents and publishers aren’t going to treat writers with kid gloves. It’s a competitive business. Janet Reid’s query critique provides blunt, honest, and actionable feedback from someone who’s spent her career in the publishing trenches.

I can understand the allure of tools like Chatty, but the Query Shark did more than provide a service. She showed aspiring authors what to expect. No offense to Chatty (although I doubt its feelings can be hurt), but a computer program doesn’t care if a writer succeeds. With her generosity and acumen, Janet Reid did. She showed it every time she put out her blog.

R.I.P. Query Shark.

A Hand, a Fist —T.K. Thorne

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hands-clip-art-10

What kind of world allows young American football players to feel comfortable making a video about raping an unconscious girl?  A world where the defense against a brutal, fatal rape of a student in India is that “respectable women are not raped?”  A world where a young Pakistani student is shot for going to school?

The brutal actions on Oct 7 shocked us, yet there are  daily attacks on women throughout the world.   Not to mention the massacre of children in schools.

What do these two subjects—violence against women and mass shootings—share?  They are both about power.

In most individuals, most of the time, the drive to power funnels into positive channels—a determination to make a business successful; craft an environment that ensures the best future for our children; cure disease; explore space or the ocean or the world of the quantum; render a painting that reflects our deepest emotions; or find the words that move a reader.  That is power.

There are also negative channels—the malicious release of a computer virus, the poisoning of trees: the sabotage of a fellow worker; the punch of a fist; the pulling of a trigger; even when the gun is aimed at the aggressor’s own head.  These acts are also efforts to establish or regain power.

Why do we struggle so to be the master of our environment, our emotions, or influence?

Survival.

In the millennia that shaped us, if we were not wired to seek power, we would have been eaten.  In another post, The Most Important Question, I explored the question of whether our basic nature has evolved since we became “human.”  Recently, a research project added to that discussion when scientists found that the human hand, so intricately designed to manipulate and experience the world was also uniquely evolved to become a weapon, as a fist. We aren’t going to erase our nature, and if we did, we might loose all the best that we are or can be in the bargain.

What we can do, what we must do, is civilize ourselves with laws and education and support safety nets. We need to make abusing power, be it physical, emotional or political, unacceptable; to encourage a world where “success” is culturally defined by making the world a better place.

black-divider-th

T.K. Thorne writes about what moves her, following a flight path of curiosity, reflection, and imagination. Check out her (fiction and nonfiction) books at TKThorne.com

 

Taste in Reading is like Cherry Garcia vs. Peanut Butter Swirl

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images from Pixabay

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about how subjective taste is. What makes one person love something that another person has a hard time swallowing, let alone enjoying? The other night my husband and I sat down to watch a movie. After fifteen minutes he left the room to watch a hockey game on another television. I continued to watch the movie. It wasn’t the best movie I’d ever seen, but it wasn’t the worst, either. I found the character studies fascinating, even if the plot left a bit to be desired. And I enjoyed the movie enough to want to sit through it until the end to see how the conflicts were resolved.

Sometimes that happens to me with a book. I’ll continue reading one I don’t particularly love because I either a) find enough enjoyable about it that I want to finish it, b) am hoping it gets better, or c) am hoping that even though I figured out whodunit by chapter three, the author will prove me wrong and give me a totally different ending I didn’t see coming (and man, when that happens, I love it!)

But there are other times when I pick up a book and toss it aside after a chapter or two. Often, it’s a book that has gotten rave reviews. Sometimes it’s even a book by an author I’ve read and enjoyed previously. When this happens, one of two reactions occur. I either a) wonder if there’s something wrong with me that I don’t get what everyone else sees in the book, or b) scratch my head, wondering why everyone else can’t see the flaws in plot and character that jump off the page at me.

Then there are times where I fall in love with a book and recommend it to friends, only to have them question my taste. Or worse yet, my sanity.

For many people Peanut Butter Swirl is the perfect ice cream flavor. For me, anything with peanut butter  sets off my gag reflexes. I’m more a Cherry Garcia kind of girl. Taste. It’s one of the unsolved mysteries of the universe.

Why do you suppose that is? Post a comment for a chance to win a promo code for a free audiobook download of one of the first nine books in the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery Series.

~*~

USA Today and Amazon bestselling and award-winning author Lois Winston writes mystery, romance, romantic suspense, chick lit, women’s fiction, children’s chapter books, and nonfiction under her own name and her Emma Carlyle pen name. Kirkus Reviews dubbed her critically acclaimed Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery Series, “North Jersey’s more mature answer to Stephanie Plum.” In addition, Lois is a former literary agent and an award-winning craft and needlework designer who often draws much of her source material for both her characters and plots from her experiences in the crafts industry. Learn more about Lois and her books at her website www.loiswinston.com where you can also sign up for her newsletter and follow her on various social media sites.

Figures of Speech

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Figures of Speech

by Saralyn Richard

An English major in college, I was required to take courses in Chaucer/medieval lit, Shakespeare, Milton, 18th and 19th century literature, and American literature, among others. Of these, the dreaded subject was Milton, mainly because the brilliant poet and author of Paradise Lost took full advantage of the vast body of history, philosophy, religion, politics, and literary criticism of the day, and analyzing and interpreting even a few lines of his work could send a person down a rabbit hole for eons.

I had read excerpts from Milton’s works in high school, and I’d found them dry and uninteresting, but when I arrived in my Milton class junior year in college, I had a whole different experience. Call it an awakening, a challenge, a puzzle—whatever—I delighted in the intrigue and purpose of Milton’s language, and I couldn’t get enough.

After the semester, I decided to continue studying Milton by undertaking two semesters of work, researching and writing an honor’s thesis. My focus of study was figures of speech.

Most people understand the function of figurative language and can identify and explain similes, metaphors, personifications, and analogies. Few, however, realize that these represented only a miniscule number of the figures of speech available for Milton and other writers of the Elizabethan and Puritan eras.

I could write treatises—or an honors thesis—about what I learned from books, such as George Puttenham’s The Arte of English Poesie, or Henry Peacham’s The Compleat Gentleman, but for this blogpost, I’ll say that I was astounded by the more than 456 figures of speech used by Renaissance writers of poetry and prose.

The literary devices included repetitions, inversions, comparisons, and rhetorical devices to tickle the ear and tempt the mind. Some of the more obscure, but popular, figures of speech were anastrophe, litotes, and anadiplosis.

Once I learned about them, I had fun hunting for them in Milton’s verse. Each find unlocked a bit of the magic that made Milton’s writing so memorable.

Fast forward to the 21st century, and I was teaching creative writing to students aged 55 and older at the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute. I introduced a unit in figures of speech, and we dug into definitions and examples of a variety of the lesser-used devices. I challenged learners to use some, like synecdoche and metonymy in their writing, and the results were amazing.

Also, when I read a work of fiction by an author like Poe, Tartt, Kingsolver, or Irving, and I find a turn of phrase that is particularly appealing, I love to deconstruct the language. Do you do the same? What is your favorite figure of speech, and which author do you think is especially adept at using figurative language?

Saralyn Richard writes award-winning humor- and romance-tinged mysteries that pull back the curtain on people in settings as diverse as elite country manor houses and disadvantaged urban high schools. Her works include the Detective Parrott mystery series, two standalone mysteries, a children’s book, and various short stories published in anthologies. She also edited the nonfiction book, Burn Survivors. An active member of International Thriller Writers and Mystery Writers of America, Saralyn teaches creative writing and literature. Her favorite thing about being an author is interacting with readers like you. If you would like to subscribe to Saralyn’s monthly newsletter and receive information, giveaways, opportunities, surveys, freebies, and more, sign up at https://saralynrichard.com.

 

Check Out The Agatha Nominations

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by Paula Gail Benson

Whether or not you can attend the fabulous gathering of Malice Domestic at the end of this month, be sure to check out the marvelous novels, books, and stories that have received prestigious Agatha nominations. You’ll have some delightful reading. (NOTE: click on the short story for a link to the text.) Here’s a list:

Best Contemporary Novel

WINED AND DIED IN NEW ORLEANS, Ellen Byron

HELPLESS, Annette Dashofy

THE WEEKEND RETREAT, Tara Laskowski

A CASE OF THE BLEUS, Korina Moss

THE RAVEN THIEF, Gigi Pandian

​Best Historical Novel

DEATH AMONG THE RUINS, Susanna Caulkins

ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A LORD, Celeste Connally

I HEARD A FLY BUZZ WHEN I DIED, Amanda Flower

TIME’S UNDOING, Cheryl Head

THE MISTRESS OF BHATIA HOUSE, Sujata Massey

Best First Novel

GLORY BE, Danielle Arceneaux

THE HINT OF LIGHT, Kristin Kisska
DUTCH THREAT, Josh Pachter

CRIME AND PARCHMENT, Daphne Silver

MOTHER-DAUGHTER MURDER NIGHT, Nina Simon

​Best Short Story

“THE KNIFE SHARPENER”, Shelley Costa, Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine, Jul/Aug 2023

“A GOOD JUDGE OF CHARACTER”, Tina de Bellegarde, Malice Domestic 17, Murder Most Traditional

“REAL COURAGE”, Barb Goffman, Black Cat Mystery Magazine #14

“TICKET TO RIDE”, Dru Ann Love and Kristopher Zgorski, Happiness is a Warm Gun

“SHAMU, WORLD’S GREATEST DETECTIVE”, Richie Narvaez, Time in San Diego, Bouchercon 2023

Best Non-Fiction

FINDERS: JUSTICE, FAITH AND IDENTITY IN IRISH CRIME FICTION, Anjili Babbar

PERPLEXING PLOTS: POPULAR STORYTELLING AND THE POETICS OF MURDER, David Bordwell

A MYSTERY OF MYSTERIES: THE DEATH AND LIFE OF EDGAR ALLAN POE, Mark Dawidziak

FALLEN ANGEL: THE LIFE OF EDGAR ALLAN POE, Robert Morgan

​Best Children’s/YA Mystery

MYRTLE, MEANS AND OPPORTUNITY, Elizabeth C. Bunce

THE SASQUATCH OF HAWTHOURNE ELEMENTARY, K. B. Jackson
ARANA AND SPIDERMAN, Alex Segura
THE MYSTERY OF THE RADCLIFFE RIDDLE, Taryn Souders

ENOLA HOLMES AND THE MARK OF THE MONGOOSE, Nancy Springer

 

Writing Idiosyncrasies by Debra H. Goldstein

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Writing Idiosyncrasies by Debra H. Goldstein

I don’t believe in writer’s block, but I do believe certain conditions have to be right for me to be creative.

I envy my friends who successfully produce one thousand or more words a day. The ones who explain that if “you don’t put your bottom in the seat, you’ll never have anything to show as an author.” If I try to follow their method, I agonize and then end up throwing out most of what I’ve written. For me, an idea must germinate internally until it reaches a point that the muse can’t hold it back. Then, and only then, can the words magically flow from my brain to my fingertips.

Still, having the words ready to flow isn’t enough. I need to have background music when I write anything of consequence. For me, that is usually show music or artists whose songs tend to be more lyrically oriented. The music can’t be rock or heavy metal. Words are key. Sometimes, I just keep playing the same album or two repeatedly until I finish the book or story. The irony is that the same set of songs or albums usually won’t work for the next project I take on.

Then, there is the setting. One chair may be good for a particular book, but the room and chair don’t feel right for something else. Today, I futzed around wanting to write some blogs in the sunroom/office where I usually write, but nothing flowed. Although the weather is in the sixties and sunny today, I walked into my living room, crawled onto the couch, and lit the fireplace. The mood was set. I started writing and somehow four hours have passed.

Tomorrow, I want to work on a new proposal that has been kicking around in my head. Of course, I have no idea how long it will take me to know it is ready, what music is necessary for it to flow and where I should write it. Do you have any idiosyncrasies when it comes to writing or doing any other things in your home or worklife?

Sasqwatch!

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The Sasqwatch Film Festival

Last year, I connected with a Canadian film director who was looking for a fast, funny, crime-centered short script. Of which I had… zero.  But what I did have was a stack of short stories.  So I transferred one of my short stories to script format.  He loved it, optioned it (that’s put it on hold in movie terms) and then produced it. It was a fantastic collaborative process and I loved seeing what he did with the script.  Once the short film was complete, it was submitted to a variety of film festivals (including Sasqwatch Film Festival).  Unfortunately, I wasn’t near to any of the festivals that accepted the film.  And I wanted to see MY movie on the big screen.

But finally…

Then it got accepted into the Sasqwatch Film Festival in Vancouver BC.  Which is well within driving distance for me in Washington State. So we farmed out the kiddo to my brother and invaded Canada!  And then, after four hours sitting down in the car, we sat down in a darkened theater and watched Suzy Makes Cupcakes and a slate of other shorts.

So, it’s about cupcakes?

No. It’s about crime. And cupcakes.  But mostly it’s about a woman who got married young to an abusive jerkwad who works for a crime syndicate.  Suzy wants out of the life and away from her husband, but how to do that? Well… you come up with a plan, you make some cupcakes and then you see where the day takes you.  But you do it all in twelve minutes or less because this is a short film after all. The short story version of the story made it’s debut at Noir at the Bar in Seattle and you can hear me read it in the recording from KUOW.

Was Sasqwatch everything you hoped?

Yes, actually it was. While it was a bit weird to hear people saying words that I made up, it was so fantastic to see it on the big screen. The director Jayson Theirren also flew into town and we got to meet in person for the first time.  Afterwards, we all got drinks and talked movies, movies, movies.  Then my partner and I went out for dinner, ate too much, and had a lovely evening out in Vancouver sans child. So basically, it was all that I hoped for and more.

Has Spring Sprung for You?

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Exactly when is Spring supposed to begin? I looked it up, and here’s what I found:

The vernal equinox in 2024 arrived on March 19, but that date varies year to year. It hovers somewhere between the 19th and 21st of the month, and is marked at the moment the sun is directly facing Earth’s equator. This is also known as Astronomical Spring.

But, because science allows the date to vary, I’m thinking it’s okay if Spring starts for people like you and me whenever we are able to feel it.

We’ve enjoyed the new season around our home for a few weeks now. Gardens are in full bloom. A multitude of songbirds greet us with their cheery melodies every morning, just like the ones Samantha Newman hears when she visits Serenity Ranch.♥

Spring is also when our cherished bluebonnets and other dazzling wildflowers begin to blanket our empty fields and rolling hills.

This past weekend made Spring feel official for me, with opening of the annual Kite Festival that takes place in our favorite public park. There’s something wonderful about a day when people of all ages gather on vast green spaces to share a picnic and fly kites.

A live band played upbeat music while children ran around, testing how far they could roam free. They squealed with delight. You couldn’t help but smile at the joy of it.

Those icy winds are gone. Gentle breezes flow. We’re unencumbered by winter coats and jackets, scarves and gloves. The world is refreshed.

Hooray!

What is the first sign of Spring where you live? And, when was the last time you flew a kite?

Here’s wishing you a very HAPPY SPRING, full of sunshine, flowers, celebrations, and laughter!

 

Gay Yellen is the author of the award-winning Samantha Newman Mystery Series including: The Body Business, The Body Next Door, and The Body in the News!

Find her on Amazon, BookBub, Facebook, or contact her at GayYellen.com

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Subjective

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Happy Monday! I interrupt this blog to announce I have a book on sale! My award-winning Until Dead: A Cold Case Suspense is discounted  to $.99 through April 15, 2024. Haven’t read it yet? The sale is available on the following digital outlets: Kindle, Nook, Kobo, Apple and Google Books. The following link will detail more about the book and take you to your choice of platform. Until Dead | A Cold Case Suspense | Author Donnell Ann Bell

I now return you to Monday’s blog. 

Today is my husband 69th birthday.  We’re having a grand time visiting with family, watching NCAA Women’s College Basketball, and awaiting tomorrow’s eclipse. For Les’s birthday, I bought him a new pair of running shoes and his sister bought him bottle of Hungry Jack Microwaveable Syrup. Why you may ask? Les likes his syrup hot; she obviously noticed the misshapen syrup bottles in our pantry.

Something I’m excited about during this trip is a brainstorming session I had with my nephew. I called him a couple of weeks ago for help regarding a scene I’ve been trying to write. My nephew, a former marine, is seriously mechanically inclined. He works graveyards, and we were missing each other’s calls. Today he showed me how a character could siphon gas. So much better than a phone call. I only hope he returned the vacuum pump to my brother-in-law’s car. 😊

Long walks, too much food, it’s what makes birthdays and family reunions worthwhile.  Overall, I would say my husband’s birthday has been an overwhelming success. With the following exception . . . Les was walking in the neighborhood, happy as anyone can be turning 69, when he bounced into the house and proclaimed, “Guess what, it’s Zeke’s birthday today, too!” Until my sister-in-law announced, “Zeke is a dog.”

It’s subjective, right?

About the Author:  Donnell Ann Bell writes both romantic suspense and multi-jurisdictional taskforce plots, Her single-title romantic suspense novels, The Past Came Hunting, Deadly Recall, Betrayed, and Buried Agendas, have been Amazon bestsellers. Black Pearl, a Cold Case Suspense was her first mainstream suspense and book one of a series, and a Colorado Book Award finalist. Her second book in the series, Until Dead, A Cold Case Suspense, released in May of 2022, was voted Best Thriller in 2023 at the Imaginarium Conference in Louisville, Kentucky.