Don’t Leave Your Readers Fragmented

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Authors Note: I’ve been busy doing beta reads and the subject of fragmented sentences came up. I wrote the following article in 2013 while editing Writing from the Peak, Pikes Peak Writers blog. I didn’t update the original because dated as it is, I still think it has relevance in 2026. See if you don’t agree. ~ Donnell 

Fragmented sentences have left me feeling fragmented of late.

Writing is all about feeling. If you write a story, the number one thing you must be concerned about is not perfect sentence structure, not whether your plot is the most brilliant ever, and not even whether the characters are quirky and out there. The number one thing writers must be concerned with when adding words to the page is how am I making my reader feel?

Feelings are why readers continue to read – not because you’ve written the best book ever, and not because you’re the next Gillian Flynn or Charles Dickens. You’ve grabbed your reader, done something to their heart and they’ve become invested in your story.

That being said, authors have a tendency to glom on to whatever works. Whether I’m judging a contest or reading a book of one of my peers or my favorite NY Times bestseller, as a writer I can’t help but notice when something trends. Books are a lot like Twitter. Authors find out what they perceive as hot, and make an unconscious decision–or perhaps conscious–to implement that trend in their next book.

One of my earliest critique partners, Colonel Jim Roper (ret.), gave me some advice that I’ve never forgotten. He said, “Find your own voice.” That advice truly resonated with me, and from that point on, I’ve done my best not to copy other writers. True, we choose a genre that we prefer, but if someone starts a style all his own and the next twenty writers jump on the “Me Too” bandwagon, that kind of dilutes his style, doesn’t it?

Example: I don’t know what writer came up with using the period for emphasis. Because I mainly read mysteries and suspense, every so often I’d see a writer use something like: He had to stop him. Couldn’t. Let. That. Happen. The first few times, placing a period after a word might have been effective. Incorporated into every other book, however, the style became redundant. Interestingly enough, I’m not seeing it used much these days.

The redundancy issue brings me to the topic of this blog and why I’m feeling fragmented. Some authors are using fragmented sentences every other sentence. And the fact that they’re not completing sentences leaves Me. Slightly. Yanked. Out. Of the story.

There are tricks that writers use to increase the pacing of a manuscript. If you’re writing an action scene, and you want to pick up the pace, shorten your sentences. If you want to slow the pace, lengthen your sentences so that your reader will take a breath. I’ve read that something in the brain is triggered when sentence structure is varied. But if you’re fragmenting your sentences because you think it ups the excitement or makes you a more compelling writer, consider changing what I personally feel is an ineffective style and an overused trend.

Am I saying never use a fragmented sentence? Absolutely not (there – feel better?)  All I ask is that when you do write a fragmented sentence, you’re doing so deliberately and not because you think it elevates the scene. Words are tools; writers are the tradesmen. Every word in your manuscript belongs to you. Don’t leave your sentences or your readers fragmented. Remember, we readers have feelings.

About the Author: Donnell Ann Bell is an award-winning author whose romantic suspense novels have reached Amazon’s Bestseller list. Her Cold Case Suspense series also received accolades, including a 2020 Colorado Book Award nomination for Black Pearl: A Cold Case Suspense and in 2023, Best Thriller in the Imadjinn Awards, Imaginarium Celebration in Louisville, Kentucky for Until Dead: A Cold Case Suspense. Before turning to fiction, she edited for The Colorado Springs Business Journal and Pikes Peak Parent newsmagazine. Her website is www.donnellannbell.net

I Failed a Lie Detector Test

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I’ve confessed this to only a couple of people, but I’m now making it public: I failed a lie detector lie detector (polygraph) test.

This happened in the early ’80s, when I was young and naïve—long before I began writing crime fiction. Back then, I believed lie detector tests were infallible. When I failed, I didn’t just feel embarrassed—I questioned my own sanity. Was I a chronic liar and didn’t know it?

Years later, as a mystery writer, I know better.

It started when a friend asked me to bartend Sunday nights at a pricey hotel in downtown Austin. Someone had quit without notice, and he was in a bind. I’d bartended in college, so I agreed to help.

There was just one catch: new employees had to take a lie detector test.

No problem, I thought. It might even be interesting.

It was—but not in the way I expected.

I was sent to a private company across town. My internal alarms went off the moment I saw the man who would administer the test. “Creepy” is putting it mildly. He had greasy, dyed-black hair, dirt under his fingernails, and a stained dress shirt unbuttoned halfway down, exposing a thicket of chest hair. Cheap rings crowded his fingers.

At the time, I didn’t yet have the instincts of a crime writer—but I had enough sense to feel uneasy.

When he took my hand to attach the sensors, I shivered.

The questions began.

Had I ever stolen from an employer? No.
Had I ever been convicted of a crime? No.
Had I ever taken illegal drugs? No.

Then he lingered on the drug question, circling back again and again, rephrasing it each time. Today, I’d recognize that tactic immediately—pressure the subject, unsettle them, look for physiological spikes. But at the time, I was simply confused.

Finally, he asked if I was currently using drugs. I said I’d recently taken antibiotics and occasionally used Motrin.

He moved on, then returned to the same line of questioning.

If I were writing this scene today, I’d have my detective note the repetition, the shifting language, the way the examiner controlled the rhythm of the interrogation. I’d build tension there—because that’s where it lives.

But back then, I was just irritated—and certain of one thing: I had told the truth.

The following Sunday, as I was getting ready for work, my friend called.

I had failed the test.

If this were fiction, that would be the inciting incident—the moment everything tilts. The innocent protagonist accused. The system revealed as flawed. The first crack in what’s supposed to be objective truth.

My friend told me not to worry, said I could come to work anyway, maybe even retake it later.

I told him not to bother. I wasn’t coming back.

Years later, after writing crime novels and researching investigative techniques, I learned what I wish I’d known then: lie detector tests don’t always detect lies. They detect stress.

And stress can come from many places:

  • Anxiety
  • Fatigue or illness
  • Medication
  • Confusing or manipulative questioning
  • Even the examiner’s own bias

In other words, the very conditions designed to “find the truth” can distort it.

That realization changed the way I think about interrogation scenes. In fiction, a lie detector can be a powerful tool—but not because it reveals truth. Because it reveals vulnerability. Because it can be wrong.

And wrong can be dangerous.

I recently discovered that lie detector tests were actively used in courtrooms in the 1950s—the world of my Sydney Lockhart mysteries. Which raises a delicious possibility.

What happens when Sydney—sharp, observant, and far less naïve than I was—is strapped into that chair? When she knows the machine is flawed, but the people watching believe it isn’t?

That’s not just a test.

That’s a setup.

And in crime fiction, setups are where the real story begins. I can’t wait to put Sydney in this uncomfortable situation and then watch her wiggle out of it. She’d do a much better job than her creator.

Have you ever been falsely accused?

 

Forged in Flame character graphic showing Dalton, Ava, Nina, and a dragon

How Does a Dragon Work?

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Working Dragons

In my 2026 series of paranormal romances, each stand-alone novel is linked through the character of Dante Montanari—a mysterious dragon shifter whose interference in the lives of other characters causes the romances of each book to develop. Ultimately, the plan is to have a book devoted to Dante and his own romance, but that’s currently plotted for book 8, and we’re only on number 2. Usually, when I develop my characters for mysteries and contemporary romance, I only have to worry about the everyday getting to know you stuff—like where a character works, what they’re passionate about, why they keep finding dead bodies—that kind of thing.  But with paranormal romance, there is the added layer of world-building, which means I need to decide how dragons and any other fantasy creatures actually function. And then, even worse, I have to abide by those rules (yes, the ones I just invented) in future books.

Playing by the Rules

Once the rules are set, my life is both harder and easier.  The more I know about each character, the less I have to think about some of the background noise of setting a scene.  And this applies across all genres. In a mystery, if I know that my character doesn’t drink coffee, then I don’t have to think about their order if there’s a scene in a cafe.  In a fantasy novel, some things become more complex. For instance, if a shape-shifter changes, do their clothes shift as well?  (And we will pause here for you to have this argument amongst yourselves.) I have decided that we cannot have proper werewolf-type transformations without tearing clothes, and have chosen to have clothes NOT transform.  But that means that you have to keep track of things like “where did his shoes go” in those scenes. And inevitably, no matter how carefully I establish my rules for this creature or that, I run into a scene where I wish I’d done something else.

Choosing a Course

As it turns out the easiest way to figure out the rules is to do the most horrific of all writerly tasks… write. By writing a character and working through a story, I can stress test my rules and figure out how they apply to the world and other characters.  However, since my big dragon character doesn’t have his own story until much later, that left me with specifically dragonish questions that need to be answered NOW.  Which is why book 2 of the series focuses on Dante’s nephew – Dalton Rosetti.  Dalton and Ava’s romance was the perfect opportunity to find out what makes dragons work and how their world, magic, and culture function. And also, allow me to daydream of a vacation in Hawaii. Because in my world dragons love heat and volcanoes, so of course, they would love Hawaii. This romance was fun to write because (as with all my books) it includes a heavy dose of action and danger and that meant I had to watch Hawaii 5-0 for inspiration.  Yes, I know either iteration of the show is ridiculously not true to Hawaii, but the scenery is still great.  (I may or may not be referring to Daniel Dae Kim as scenery in this sentence.  Language is always open to interpretation.)  What do you think?  What other Hawaii specific shows should I have added to my “research”?

Forged in Flame

Ava FlynnForged in Flame character graphic showing Dalton, Ava, Nina, and a dragon grew up unaware of her dragon heritage, raised by her human mother and stepfather. That changes when Dante Montanari’s nephew, billionaire dragon Dalton Rosetti, arrives—and sparks ignite. Their one night of passion leaves Ava with a secret baby and a future she must face alone. But when deadly enemies close in, Ava and her child are thrust back into Dalton’s world. To survive, she must decide: can she trust a bond forged in flame?

Interested in being an Advance Reader of Forged in Flame?  Sign up here: ADVANCE READER SIGN UP FORM

ARC readers get a free copy of the book in exchange for leaving a review on one (or more) of the common review sites (Amazon, Bookbub, Goodreads).

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Bethany Maines drinks from an arsenic mugBethany Maines is the award-winning author of action-adventure and fantasy tales that focus on women who know when to apply lipstick and when to apply a foot to someone’s hind end. She participates in many activities, including swearing, karate, art, and yelling at the news. She can usually be found chasing after her daughter or glued to the computer working on her next novel (or screenplay). You can also catch up with her on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and BookBub.  She has also writes under the pen name Sirena Corbeau for spicier paranormal romance novels. Learn more at: bethanymaines.com or sirenacorbeau.com 

See more books from the Stiletto Gang: BOOKS

The Title Struggle by Saralyn Richard

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Writing short has always been a challenge for me. I have an easier time writing a hundred-thousand-word novel than a ten-thousand-word short story. A five-hundred-word book description is even more difficult—how to capture the gist of a whole book in five hundred words???

But the hardest and most pressure-fraught task is coming up with a book title. Like the name of a newborn baby, the title must endure the whole life of the book. It must carry the genre, the theme, and the plot, and simultaneously attract the potential reader’s attention. It has to flow freely and mellifluously from the lips, and look pretty on the spine and cover.

The title can’t be too unique or obscure. That would make it hard for the reader to remember it long enough to Google it. It can’t be too common either, or it could be easily confused with the fifty other books with the same title. (Titles can’t be copyrighted.)

I’ve learned from experience that a title can make or break a book’s shelf placement, its purchase power. I’ve also learned that what one reader adores in a title, another reader can take or leave.

Having become title-phobic over the years, I’ve enlisted help from critique group members, family members, trusted friends, and newsletter subscribers. I’ve had great success with their help, as shown by these great titles:

  • Naughty Nana
  • Murder in the One Percent
  • A Murder of Principal
  • A Palette for Love and Murder
  • Crystal Blue Murder
  • Bad Blood Sisters
  • Murder Outside the Box
  • Oliver’s Twist

Now I’m at that dastardly crossroads where I need the perfect title yesterday, and I’m driving myself and all of the above helpers batty, trying to find it. The book is an historical mystery with touches of romance. It takes place in Galveston, Texas, 1905, when the city is rebuilding after the most devastating hurricane in America.

Some of the titles under consideration are:

  • The Closest of Strangers
  • Trouble on Postoffice Street
  • The Dockside Destiny
  • The Pomegranate Promise
  • Harbor of the Lost & Found

If you’ve read this far and love picking titles, I invite you to weigh in. Which of these titles do you prefer and why. Or what other title might you suggest? If I use your title, you’ll win my undying gratitude and a free book of your choice (print books in Continental U.S. only).

 

Saralyn Richard is a multiple award-winning author of seven mystery novels, a children’s book, and numerous short stories, poems, and essays published in anthologies and magazines. Saralyn is an active member of Mystery Writers of America and International Thriller Writers, and she has taught literature and creative writing to high school students and adults through the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute. Saralyn and her husband live in Texas in the house she grew up in.

Kathleen Kaska

A Voice That Resonates

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A Voice That Resonates

If asked to name writers with a distinct voice, I could rattle off a list: F. Scott Fitzgerald, Karen Blixen, Raymond Chandler, Jane Austen, Harper Lee, Stephen King, John Irving, Anne Rice. Defining “voice,” however, is far more elusive.

When I first started writing fiction, I went to a writers’ conference where the presenter described voice as the emotional connection between the writer and the reader. That idea stayed with me—and clarified something I had experienced but hadn’t named.

Early on, I focused on plot because I didn’t know how to build one. Voice barely registered until I picked up a novel by an unfamiliar author. It was his fourth book—and a bestseller. The characters carried me through more than four hundred pages. I immediately bought his earlier novels and struggled through them, finishing out of curiosity. The difference was unmistakable. In the fourth book, I could hear the characters’ voices. In the first three, I couldn’t. He hadn’t found it yet—or hadn’t learned how to sustain it. Since then, I’ve read everything he’s written. He’s now a favorite.

Voice isn’t plot, character, or setting—though it brings all three to life. It’s the writer’s way of seeing and presenting the world on the page.

Consider The Great Gatsby. From its opening lines, Nick Carraway speaks with an intimate, reflective ease, as if confiding across a café table. That conversational authority draws the reader in and keeps them engaged.

In To Kill a Mockingbird, Scout Finch views injustice through a child’s honest, questioning perspective. Her voice not only narrates the story— it amplifies its moral impact.

And in the novel  Rebecca the narrator—the second Mrs. de Winter—voice carries a quiet melancholy that settles over the entire novel, shaping how we experience Manderley before we fully see it.

Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again. It seemed to me I stood by the iron gate leading to the drive, and for a while I could not enter, for the way was barred to me. There was a padlock and a chain on the gate. I called in my dream to the lodge-keeper and had no answering and peering closer to the rusted spokes of the gate I saw that the lodge was uninhabited.

A strong plot, character, and setting are essential. But voice is what makes a story personal—what transforms pages into an experience. It’s the difference between a book we finish and one we remember. It’s the icing on the cake.

What are your favorite books with strong voices that speak to you?

https://kathleenkaska.com/

Inspiring First Lines by Saralyn Richard

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According to Stephen King, “An opening line should invite the reader to begin the story. It should say: Listen. Come in here. You want to know about this.” Much has been written about the importance of the first line of a novel. And lists of the best first lines grace the internet with abundance.

Here are a few that top lists regularly:

  1. Pride and Prejudice: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. (This line sets the tone for the book, which is witty and dry. The book is going to be fun.)
  2. One Hundred Years of Solitude: Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. (The line suggests setting, particularly time, and invites the reader to invest in the story of a criminal who faces a firing squad.)
  3. Anna Karenina: Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. (The dichotomy of happy and sad families reads like a truism, setting up the reader to enter the life of an unhappy family.)
  4. Gravity’s Rainbow: A screaming comes across the sky. (The mixture of sound imagery—screaming—and the visual of the distant sky, too far to hear any screaming anyway, creates a puzzle that the reader wants to solve. What is causing the screaming, and what must be done to stop it?)
  5. 1984: It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. (April is not typically cold, and clocks can’t strike thirteen, so what is going on in this world?)
  6. Invisible Man: I am an invisible man. (How did you become invisible, and what strange adventures will you take me to?)
  7. Miss Lonelyhearts. The Miss Lonelyhearts of the New York Post-Dispatch (Are you in trouble? Do-you-need-advice? Write-to-Miss-Lonelyhearts-and-she-will-help-you) sat at his desk and stared at a piece of white cardboard. (The word, “his,” knocks this opener into a light and humorous setting and character.)
  8. The Metamorphosis: One morning, as Gregor Samsa awoke from anxious dreams, he discovered that during the night he had been transformed into a monstrous bug. (The foreign-sounding name, anxious dreams, and monstrous bug build tension and raise the reader’s level of concern from the ordinary to the horrible.)
  9. The Nightingale: If I have learned anything in this long life of mine, it is this: In love we find out who we want to be; in war we find out who we are. (The author offers wisdom from experience, and the story will be partly about love and partly about war. We suspect the war parts will test us, and we brace for the difficult ride ahead.)

Photo by Kaptured by Kasia on Unsplash

What makes these first lines notable? Each one carries a heavy load. In a few words, it sets the stage and the tone for the story to come. It hooks the reader’s attention, sometimes with an unusual or surprising statement. It provides information, but it raises more questions than it answers. For example, “I am an invisible man,” sets up questions about how the narrator became invisible, what it is like to be invisible, and where this unlikely narrator is going to take us.

The opening line sets up the reader’s first impression of the book. A tentative reader might read the opening line to test whether to commit to reading the entire book. It’s like taking a tiny bite of an unfamiliar food. If the smell, taste, and texture are pleasant, the taster will likely swallow the bite and ask for more. Similarly, if the first line is clever, pithy, emotionally welcoming, or memorable, it bodes well for the reader’s consumption of the whole book.

A strong opening line plants the seed of curiosity and puts the reader in touch with the writer. For example, “One morning, as Gregor Samsa awoke from anxious dreams, he discovered that during the night he had been transformed into a monstrous bug,” startles the reader (because this has never happened to anyone in real life that we know of), and takes him into a fantasy world where people have anxious dreams and face disgusting realities. The reader wonders how this could have happened to Gregor Samsa, and how he is going to reverse it. The reader suspends his disbelief and allows Kafka to lead him into the harsh world he has built.

I’ve done a lot of study about first lines, and this is what I’ve learned. They are really hard to write! The pressure to create something appealing and effective, to introduce the setting-plot-character-tone, and to instill questions in the mind of the reader is often overwhelming.

Here are a few of my first lines:

  1. Quinn’s family often joked about death, but this summer, death stopped being funny. –BAD BLOOD SISTERS
  2. Naughty? Me? I’m just a sheepdog pup who wants to have fun. –NAUGHTY NANA
  3. Late summer had painted the Brandywine Valley green, and dawn was coming up orange, but this early Monday morning in August ushered in the blues—the baby blues. –MURDER OUTSIDE THE BOX
  4. Late summer had painted the Brandywine Valley green, and dawn was coming up orange, but this early Monday morning in August ushered in the blues—the baby blues.
  5. Sundays usually meant good luck. –MURDER IN THE ONE PERCENT

Each one of these sentences probably took me at least five hours to write. I often say it’s easier to write a whole book than it is to write an opening line.

What do you think? Do the sample opening lines carry the heavy load they need to? What is your favorite or most memorable opening line?

 

Saralyn Richard (https://saralynrichard.com) is a multiple award-winning author of seven mystery novels, a children’s book, and numerous short stories, poems, and essays published in anthologies and magazines. She edited the book, Burn Survivors, which was published by the University of Texas Medical Branch in both English and Spanish.

Saralyn is an active member of Mystery Writers of America and International Thriller Writers, where she leads an international writers’ critique group. She has taught literature and creative writing to high school students and to adults through the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute. Saralyn and her husband live in Texas in the house she grew up in.

 

 

Bethany Maines is plotting at the beach.

Plotting a Murder

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Plotting all the Plots

Recently, I came across a call for a short story anthology focused on murder mysteries that took place in the workplace. However, the stipulation was that the death be dependent on that working situation. As a graphic designer, unless I accidentally stab my business partner to death with my college-era bone folder because she kerned too tightly, I don’t foresee a lot of work-related deaths in my future. So I had to look further afield, or at least into other fields of work, for my murderous plotting.

But having eyed my business partner for death once, I decided that she could be a useful resource – not as a dead body (she was relieved to hear this), but as a contact point for her brother, who works for a railroad. After all, with so much big machinery, a railroad seems a viable location for dangerous deaths.  Now, who to kill and how?

As we took our lunch break on a nearby beach, we discussed the whys and wherefores of offing someone.  I believe we frightened an older couple with a Yorkie.  Saying, “yes, but who should we kill?” is probably not the conversation they were expecting to overhear.  Once we had come up with a viable reason to kill someone, we needed a how.

Don’t Put Plotting on Your Brother’s Work Phone

But we also needed to figure out how to ask her brother, because as it turns out, his work provides his phone.  Which means that, should there be a problem, his tech support can view his messages. Plotting a murder over text is probably not something he would appreciate having on record.  So my business partner accepted the mission to discover how to kill someone at the railroad.  She performed this clandestine operation with the simple application of… a phone call. Fortunately, her brother, once he understood the assignment, was more than happy to share a myriad of ways to off a co-worker.  And whew! did he have some doozies!

So… How does it happen?

I can’t tell you that! However, I must admit that I had not even realized that death in this manner was a thing that could happen.  I was expecting “run over by a train” not baked from… nope, nope, nope, not spilling the manner of death.  I’ll keep it close to the vest until I’ve got a story to go with it.

But if you want something funny and dangerous to read sooner than that, you can check out…

Emergency Exit 3D book mock upEmergency Exit

Release Date: 9/22

Tech investor Asher Valkyrie hired Harper Smoak to be his fake girlfriend for stress-free social events, but the faux-relationship quickly sends real sparks flying. What began as a simple arrangement soon turns into a high-stakes game of love and survival when Ash’s lies begin to unravel.

LEARN MORE: https://amzn.to/3XEL9id

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Bethany Maines is the award-winning author of action-adventure and fantasy tales that focus on women who know when to apply lipstick and when to apply a foot to someone’s hind end. She participates in many activities, including swearing, karate, art, and yelling at the news. She can usually be found chasing after her daughter or glued to the computer working on her next novel (or screenplay). You can also catch up with her on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and BookBub.

And don’t forget to check out books from all the Stiletto Gang members:  Books

The Games People Play & the Value of Improvisation

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Donnell Ann BellBy Donnell Ann Bell

For a while now, Lois Winston, Stiletto Gang member and critique partner, and I have been sharing our Wordle and Connections results. Typically, we have no problem with Wordle. (We’re pretty adept at words.) However, when it comes to Connections, it’s a glorious day when I get all four rows right, and there are times I lose altogether. My husband, who is a linear thinker, gave up on Connections completely. He continues to work the New York Times crossword puzzles and Sudoku. My son and daughter, ages 38 and 41, work Wordle and Connections with us and we compare results. It’s a terrific way to hear from your adult kids each day.

I work Connections because, even if I bomb, I like to see where the editor was going with the clues. It’s educational, right?

Know something else that’s educational? Improvisation.

Have you ever watched the game show Whose Line is it Anyway? The program ran for twenty-two seasons, beginning in 2013, ending in 2024. In each episode, these talented comedians and actors, featuring Drew Carey, Aisha N. Tyler, Ryan Lee Style, Colin Mochrie, Wayne Brady, musicians Laura Hall and Linda Taylor, along with other guest stars, performed and excelled at Improvisation.

Acting as host, Carey, and later Tyler, gave the crew a scenario in which they were required to act out skits for points. Other times they were tasked with putting lyrics to music. The show, performed in front of a live audience (who often got into the act), was a hit because the members were so outrageously funny and the cast so good at thinking off the cuff and ad-libbing.

 

Years ago, I belonged to Toastmasters and reached the level of Competent Communicator. During meetings there is a section called Table Topics. Table Topics was created to help members get comfortable with public speaking. Members are given an unrehearsed topic and must discuss it in front of others for two minutes. As an introvert, I found Table Topics unbelievably hard, which is no doubt why I was so impressed with Whose Line is it Anyway?

As a writer, I love improvisation, especially when I have time to sit back and think about it. I ran a group a while back in which I would assign five random words and the start of a sentence. I took the words from the Merriam-Webster Deluxe Dictionary and the start of a sentence from a book off the shelf.

The instructions for my game were simple. Create a paragraph or two using the five random words. Participants were free to start with the sentence or further inside their narrative.

I think those who participated found the game fun and muse-inspiring. Several wrote exceptional paragraphs; some created short stories.

Would you like an example? Would you like to play a game?

Here’s how it works:

Finish this sentence:  Nothing explained the. . .

Five Random Words:

Damage

Firepit

Mirror

Plumbing

Stretch

Do you enjoy playing games? Love a challenge?  Be sure to comment here about the games you play. Feel free to work my improv and send it to me at www.donnellannbell.net/contact If I get enough responses, I’ll post three submissions on my next Stiletto Gang blog date, and with your permission, cite you as the author. For purposes of this contest, let’s keep the length to 250 words.

Happy thinking outside the box!

About the Author:  Donnell Ann Bell is an award-winning author who began her nonfiction career in newspapers. After she turned to fiction, her romantic suspense novels became Amazon bestsellers, including The Past Came Hunting, Deadly Recall, Betrayed, and Buried Agendas. In 2019, Donnell released her first mainstream suspense, Black Pearl, A Cold Case Suspense, which was a 2020 Colorado Book Award finalist. In 2022, book two of the series was released. Until Dead, A Cold Case Suspense won Best Thriller in 2023 at the Imaginarium Conference in Louisville, Kentucky. Currently, she’s working on book three of the series. Readers can follow Donnell on her blog or sign up for her newsletter at www.donnellannbell.net.

 

 

 

donalee Moulton

Polishing prose so it sparkles

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by donalee Moulton
 

We’ve been talking about the editing process. We started at 30,000 feet looking at the big picture. Now we’re on terra firma.

In my book The Thong Principle: Saying What You Mean and Meaning What You Say, I discuss the various types of editing – and why they are all essential. For many of us, editing is synonymous with copyediting.

Copyediting is like minor surgery. The impact can be significant, but structural changes and in-depth revisions are not necessary (or have already been done).  This type of editing, the most common for most of what we write, involves editing a document for style, flow, and clarity. It also requires ensuring a consistent tone and pacing. Publishers often call it line editing.

Editors Canada offers the following overview for stylistic editing, or line editing. For many writers, this is what they’re doing when they are copyediting. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what we call it as long as we do it.

Stylistic Editing

Editing to clarify meaning, ensure coherence and flow, and refine the language.

It includes:

– eliminating jargon, clichés, and euphemisms
– establishing or maintaining the language level appropriate for the intended audience, medium, and purpose
– adjusting the length and structure of sentences and paragraphs
– establishing or maintaining tone, mood, style, and authorial voice or level of formality

What’s A Copyeditor To Do

Here are six areas of focus to help ensure your writing resonates with your audience and achieves your purpose.  When you look closely at these elements, you sharpen the writing and the plot. Readers are more likely to be carried along by your words. There will be no head scratching and no rereading to make the meaning is clear.

Check for:

1. CLARITY
Look to see if you are using:
– Long sentences that could confuse readers
– Big words readers could stumble over
– Uncommon words that will furrow their brows
– A tone that distracts or conflicts with the content

Bottom line: Make sure the meaning of what you write can’t be misinterpreted.

2. TRANSITIONS
– Between sentences
– Between paragraphs
– Movement in time, place, subject

Transitions aren’t usually complex. They flow naturally moving readers through prose with short, everyday words like “however,” “so,” and “then.”

3. CONCRETENESS
– Facts and figures
– Specific language
– Action verbs
– Active voice

Readers want us to paint a picture for them – one they can see and one they can believe in.

4. REPETITIVENESS
– Are specific ideas repeated unnecessarily?
– Are words used more than once in sentences? In paragraphs?

Tip: Avoid summarizing. Readers don’t require it, and it slows them down.

5. COMPLETENESS
– Are the 5Ws and how answered?
– Are there any unanswered questions when there shouldn’t be?

Have you emphasized the most important question: Why?

6. FLOW
– Does the content make sense
– Do the words move smoothly

Find out for yourself.  Read your writing out loud.

Would love to hear about your editing challenges — and successes.

The Secret to Her Success

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I’m delighted to welcome a remarkably prolific author to the Gang as our guest today. Pamela Fagan Hutchins and I met early in our writing careers. Since then, she has published upwards of 30 books, mostly novels (award-winning romantic mysteries, a couple of children’s books, and some non-fiction, too). Lately, she’s been turning out some modern tales of Western adventure.

The secret to her success? To my mind, it’s that she spins new tales faster than a bullet train, and that her stories engage readers with heart and humor.

Here is her latest OMG work schedule, in her own words:

I’m lucky that I write fast, type fast, and no longer have kids at home or a job outside of writing. I also believe that writing is something you can get more efficient at over time.

After thirty-two novels and seven nonfiction books, I’ve had a lot of practice!

But I am firm about sticking to set writing hours and setting word and page count goals to keep me focused. I eliminate most distractions, and I reward myself frequently… lots of snacks!

Way back in 2020, my agent challenged me to write Big Horn, the Jenn Herrington Wyoming mystery that ultimately won me a publishing contract with Hachette UK’s Bookouture. But my editor wanted me to change it substantially or write a different book. I was happy with Big Horn just how it was. I opted to publish it myself and write a Detective Delaney Pace novel for Bookouture.

Two things happened. First, Big Horn slayed and kept slaying for two solid years. Meanwhile had to write three Delaney Pace books and one Patrick Flint family adventure mystery during the year after Big Horn came out. And move to Denmark for my husband’s work. Then Bakersfield. Then France. Have two foot surgeries. Welcome my first two grandkids.

Ya know—life stuff.

Despite Big Horn having had the best release of any book I’d ever written—better than Delaney Pace did, originally, although it’s picked up a lot of steam!—I did not get the follow-up book out for 18 months. In indie publishing terms, that’s a century. And I had a heck of a time pulling myself out of Delaney’s and Patrick’s worlds and back into Jenn’s.

But I’d already outlined five follow-up books while I was writing Big Horn. So, the book I rolled out next was Walker Prairie. It had the planned plots and subplots and the same gritty-but-kinda-cozy feel which some people love.

Between the time I outlined Walker Prairie (2021) and when I wrote it (2024), I acquired two Alaskan Malamute sled dogs, Willett and Sibley! They seemed like the perfect lighthearted addition to Jenn and Aaron’s world, so I wrote them in, and just like in real life, they proceeded to WOO and HOWL and JUMP AROUND until they’d pretty much hijacked the book. The plot remained the same, but the adventure elements surrounding the climactic scenes changed to feature two beautiful, often-naughty, and occasionally terrifying FLOOFS (my term for fluffy goofs.)

So, whether you pick up Walker Prairie because you’re dying to read about or continue with Jenn, her veterinarian husband Aaron, her legal associate Kid James, and Jeremiah Johnson (the loveable skunk), or because you love gritty-cozy romantic legal thrillers, or Wyoming mysteries, or just love books with FLOOFS, I am delighted that the wait is over and Walker Prairie is finally here.

And I love the book! You can get your copy here:

USA Today bestselling author of the Detective Delaney Pace series / Host of Crime & Wine / Silver Falchion Best Mystery Winner

Published by Bookouture/Hachette UK and SkipJack Publishing

Thanks for stopping by, Pamela!

Gay Yellen’s writing career began in magazine journalism. She served as the co-writer/editor for the international thriller, Five Minutes to Midnight (Delacorte), a New York Times “New & Notable.” The success of that book led to her first romantic mystery, The Body Business, Book 1 of the Samantha Newman Mystery Series. The Body Next Door soon followed, and The Body in the News in 2023. The series has won multiple awards, including a Readers’ Favorite Mystery / Chanticleer Mystery & Mayhem 1st Place / InD’Tale Crowned Heart for Excellence / Silver Falchion Finalist/ and an American Legacy Best Cozy Award. https//:GayYellen.com

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