Presidential Humor…

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This post is dedicated to the fearless leaders of our country who have wittily (or not) contributed memorable public statements to be celebrated on National Presidential Joke Day.

Yes, it’s a real thing that comes around every August 11 to commemorate attempts at humor coming from the mouths our Chief Executives, past and present.

Funny, Not Funny?

Although humor was invented millennia ago, the inciting incident for this celebration actually occurred in 1984, when Ronald Reagan was about to launch his regular weekly radio address to the nation. As he frequently did before the broadcast went live, he warmed up his voice with something humorous. Only this time, the feed was already live.

“My fellow Americans,” he intoned in his best Presidential voice, “I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.”

Scrambling to avoid the unleashing of a real-life War of the Worlds, news outlets removed the remark before their broadcasts aired, but it remained on the recording for posterity. It is said that Reagan’s poll numbers dipped for a time after word of his oopsie got out, but at least the Kremlin recognized a joke when they heard it.

George W. Bush was funny without even trying, as evidenced by the several books of humor written about his gaffes.

His speeches even gave birth to a new literary term, Bushisms, that refers to his frequently error–prone speech. Examples include “They misunderestimated me,” and the classic, “Is our children learning?” He was given a Lifetime Achievement award in 2008 for “services to gobbledygook”  by the Plain English Campaign.

Going back in time, we have Herbert Hoover, who once quipped, “Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.” Not sure I’d laugh at that one.

Jokesters in Chief

The best humor, seems to me, comes from presidents who know how to laugh with their audience. Abraham Lincoln was a true quipster. Once accused of being two-faced, Honest Abe is said to have replied, “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”

Bob Dole, who wrote a book about Presidential humor (or lack thereof), cited the reason for losing his bid to be Vice President as this: “I didn’t show enough leg.”

In modern times, presidents leaned more and more on speechwriters to insert humor where needed.

At his last White House Correspondents’ dinner, the beleaguered Bill Clinton said he felt sorry for Republicans because they only had seven months left to drive him out of office.

“So little time, so many unanswered questions, he quipped. “For example, over the last few months, I’ve lost ten pounds. Where did they go? Why haven’t they presented them to the independent counsel? How did some of them wind up on… the host of Meet the Press?

If you tuned in to the video of the latest Correspondents Dinner, you might wonder if the current occupier of the White House employed writers at all, or if he was simply putting his own riff on the sterling prose they’d dutifully prepared for him. Based on the facial expressions and body language of his writing staff and other attendees, they  looked like they’d been stricken with food poisoning.

Some presidents just aren’t born jokesters. According to Bob Dole, while  Founding Father John Adams was known as lacking a sense of humor, he was “a sharp-eyes satirist.” But his son, John Quincy Adams was “often cranky and full of insults.”

Several writers have written about dealing with their employers’ public utterances. Liz Carpenter, who spent her White House years as Lady Bird’s secretary told this story about Lyndon Johnson. after his writers sent him what he considered too “highfalutin” because it contained several quotations by Aristotle. According to Carpenter, Johnson snorted, “Those folks don’t know who Aristotle is,” where upon he replaced the attribution with “as my dear old daddy used to say to me…”

I have a feeling there were some head-shakes and slapped foreheads in the Writers’ Room when the staff heard that one.

Which President do you think was the funniest?

 Gay Yellen’s award-winning writing career began in magazine journalism. She later served as the contributing editor for the international thriller, Five Minutes to Midnight (Delacorte), which debuted as a New York Times “Notable.” Her Samantha Newman Mystery Series is packed with suspense and laced with touches of romance, heart, and humor.  Available on Amazon or to order through your favorite bookseller.

Photos are official White House images

 

An illustration of a laptop with a spam email

AI Ruined My Spam

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Where Has All the Good Spam Gone?

We’re all familiar with spam emails. I doubt there’s an adult in America who hasn’t received an email from someone letting us know that THERE ARE SINGLES LOOKING FOR SEX NEAR YOU. However, since the rise of AI I’ve noticed a shift in my inbox. Gone are the days of Nigerian princes, IRS agents demanding gift cards, and fake invoices for an iPhone you never ordered (Quick! Click on that link!! It’s so, so urgent!). Now I get personalized emails talking about my books in breathless terms and low-key requests to contact them if I’m interested.  It’s so clear that someone has had AI scan my website or Amazon page to create personalized content that I can delete the emails without getting through the first paragraph.

Isn’t AI Personalized Spam Better?

Like a lot of AI slop, personalized spam is not better than good old-fashioned crap.  The compliments, syntax, and tone are entirely lacking in authenticity.  And while I suppose it’s possible to feel complimented by a machine, the platitudes carry all the heft of Pete Hegseth’s compliments on leadership—I don’t believe them, and they devalue the speaker for their blatant lack of any real knowledge on the subject. And aside from simply sounding implausible and obviously lacking in sincerity, since AI, authors have become a specifically targeted group.  Where once we were hard to pin down or gather information on, AI has turned mass data consumption and website scanning into a breeze.  The scammers no longer have to put in effort to learn about us or our books and can pump out email after email promising things that authors want (reviews, sales, readers).  But that lack of effort shows, and frankly, it’s insulting.  Scammers need to do better.

I took a brief poll of the Stiletto Gang, and we all agree that the spam rate increased to a deluge once AI took off.  And of course, we’re worried about deleting that one real person who emails, but many of us are deleting as fast as our fingers can click.  As Lois Winston said, “I always trash them and empty my trash immediately.” And while we all understand that the end goal is always money, many of us are puzzled by their low-pressure techniques.  Why do you want me to tell you where to leave a review?  Why are you wasting my time telling me that you love my work, but don’t want to leave a review without permission.  No one in the history of reviews has ever had this worry.

Screencap of a spam email with the words "AI has ruined my spam" over the top

So What Does the Spam Look Like?

Here are just a smattering of examples that I and other members of the Stiletto Gang have received:

Example 1: I can help you!

“I recently came across Eye Contact and it’s a gripping contemporary novel that blends science, mystery, and authentic representation. Following Lexi Byrne, a neurodivergent graduate student developing cutting edge bionic eye technology, the story explores her challenges with relationships, friendship, and ethics, all while navigating a high-stakes theft that puts her work and loved ones at risk. With its mix of science driven intrigue, relatable character dynamics, and emotional depth, Eye Contact has strong discovery potential through Goodreads Listopia lists such as Mystery & Thriller, Contemporary Fiction, Science & Technology Fiction, and Neurodivergent Protagonists.”

TRANSLATION: They want me to pay to get my book on a list on Goodreads which is something I can do for free.  (And if they made you interested in Eye Contact – you can check it out on Amazon and all major retailers.)

Example 2: We’re big & famous, so of course we’re emailing YOU!

“At Simon & Schuster, we are committed to publishing fiction that resonates with readers while delivering a strong and memorable narrative experience. Based on what I’ve read, I would be very interested in exploring whether there might be an opportunity to work together.”

“As one of the most influential literary platforms globally, The New York Times Book Review reaches a vast and engaged readership of book lovers, critics, publishers, and industry professionals… If you are interested, kindly respond by [date], and I will provide the next steps and scheduling options.” (Thanks to Judy Penz Sheluk for this gem!)

TRANSLATION: We’re going to ask for money to include you in this very special offer.  But pro-tip: Simon & Schuster doesn’t use Yahoo email accounts and the NY Times Book Review doesn’t solicit out of print books or forget to include the [date].

Example 3: Visit Our Book Club for Free!

“How are you doing ? I’m reaching out because of how strongly your book has resonated with readers in our community. As we read and discussed it together, one thing became very clear to us. This is a story that was written to be felt, reflected on, discussed, and shared, not simply read and put aside.”

“Readers will enjoy dissecting the layers of suspense, from the stolen SUV with a dead body to the cache of jewelry and the ongoing threats Anastasia faces, while also appreciating the lighthearted elements that make the series so engaging.” (Kind of makes you want to read the Anastasia Pollack mysteries, doesn’t it? Learn more at LoisWinston.com)

“Based on your catalog, I would be very interested to know which of your books you feel would create the most compelling and thought-provoking discussion among a community of dedicated readers like ours. Would you be open to having one of your preferred titles considered for this upcoming Networx London – Connect & Grow feature and allowing our members to explore and discuss it together?”

TRANSLATION: We failed to realize that we’re emailing about the third book in a mystery series but we’re going to talk about how it’s SO IMPACTFUL and later probably ask you to pay for the venue on a virtual book club.

Example 4: Authors like other authors, right?

“I recently came across your work, and I was really struck by the honesty in your storytelling and the way you blend personal experience with universal truth. As a fellow author, I deeply appreciate writing that challenges and moves readers the way yours does. I just wanted to reach out to say how much I admired your work. It’s inspiring to see writing that’s both fearless and artful.”

TRANSLATION: I’m looking for someone who has too much time on their hands and will email me back which means they’re probably a sucker.

Example 5: Errors Detected!

“I spotted a few issues that could be impacting your website’s performance. I captured screenshots for clarity. Reply “OK – SEND” if you’d like to see them.”

TRANSLATION: We know you’re a creative and don’t know much about websites and we’re depending on that to bilk you out of money (oh, and also… click on this link).

Spam for All

I think for many of us in the writing community, the new downpour of spam is shocking.  Perhaps there are other groups who are being similarly targeted now that new tools are available, but this seems like a new development in the scammer landscape.  And the truth is that I’m not falling for anymore scams now than I used to, but now I have to have someone blowing smoke up my skirt while I delete them. It’s infuriating. How about you?  Are you seeing a new rise in of junk mail and in your inbox?  And do you find the insincere adulation as annoying as I do?

**

Bethany Maines drinks from an arsenic mugBethany Maines is the award-winning author of action-adventure and fantasy tales that focus on women who know when to apply lipstick and when to apply a foot to someone’s hind end. She participates in many activities, including swearing, karate, art, and yelling at the news. She can usually be found chasing after her daughter or glued to the computer working on her next novel (or screenplay). You can also catch up with her on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and BookBub.  She has also writes under the pen name Sirena Corbeau for spicier paranormal romance novels. Learn more at: bethanymaines.com or sirenacorbeau.com 

See more books from the Stiletto Gang: BOOKS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inspired by Real Life

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By Lois Winston

Embroidered Lies and Alibis, the fifteenth and newest book in my Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery series, released fifteen days ago. Like all my other novels, both the mysteries and the non-mysteries, it was inspired by real life events.

As I may have mentioned in the past, I’m a news junkie. I read several newspapers a day, along with watching the news and a few favorite “talking heads” every morning and evening. On any given day, this can be a good thing or a bad thing—especially with everything going on in the world.

Along with coffee, the news is one of my two major addictions. Some people get anxiety from the news. I develop anxiety when I don’t know what’s going on. It’s a weird form of FOMO. Besides, I view the news as research. Right now, I have enough ideas floating around in my head to serve as mystery plots for years to come.

Embroidered Lies and Alibis was inspired by real life…

For example, the spark for Embroidered Lies and Alibis came from an article I read about a carjacking that included a cryptocurrency element. Because I write by the seat of my pants (known in writing parlance as being a Pantser,) I ran with that idea and began typing. Then one evening, I saw an interview with an elderly woman who had been scammed out of thousands of dollars by someone posing as an employee of her bank. Presto change-o, abracadabra, and bibbido-bobbidi-boo! Just like that, the pieces began to fall into place, and I had my plot.

…and the next book will be inspired by real life.

I’m currently working on the next book in the series. This past November, my older son and his family arrived from various parts of the country to spend Thanksgiving with us. They rented an Airbnb nearby to stay and to hold all thirteen of us for a week of family gatherings. The house was an antebellum mansion. The moment I set foot into it, I knew I was going to use it as the setting for my next mystery.

With the last several books having taken place in Anastasia’s hometown, I had already decided it was once again time to send her off somewhere to prevent Cabot Cove Syndrome. With that in mind, I’ve moved the Tennessee mansion to upstate New York. To find out why, you’ll have to wait until the book is finished and published, but it’s going to involve research I’ve done about both the Underground Railroad and Prohibition. And of course, there will be murder and mayhem. Stay tuned…

Meanwhile, I hope you’ll find Embroidered Lies and Alibis worthy of a read.

Have you read other mysteries that were inspired by real life? Have you ever come across a person, a setting, or even an object that you thought would be perfect inspiration for a novel? Post a comment for a chance to win a promo code for a free audiobook download of any of the available Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mysteries or Empty Nest Mysteries.

 

Embroidered Lies and Alibis

An Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery, Book 15

A Stitch in Time Could Save a Life…

When Anastasia’s mother Flora is offered a free spa vacation from Jeremy Dugan, a man connected to her distant past, Anastasia and husband Zack suspect ulterior motives. After all, too-good-to-be-true often spells trouble. Their suspicions are confirmed when the FBI swoops in to apprehend Dugan. However, Dugan isn’t who he claimed to be, and his arrest raises more questions than answers.

The Feds link Dugan to a string of cons targeting elderly single women across the country, but his seemingly airtight alibi leaves investigators stumped. Then, shortly after his release on bail, he’s kidnapped. A certain segment of New Jersey’s population is known for delivering deadly messages, and the FBI believes Dugan received one of them.

Meanwhile, bodies begin showing up in the newly created public garden across the street from Anastasia and Zack’s home. With two baffling crimes, no clear suspects, scant evidence, and every possible motive unraveling, both the FBI and local law enforcement are once again picking Anastasia’s brain. This time, though, her involvement is far from reluctant. Will she stitch together enough clues before she or someone she loves becomes the killer’s next victim?

Craft project included.

Buy Links

Amazon

Nook

Kobo

Apple Books

~*~

USA Today and Amazon bestselling and award-winning author Lois Winston writes mystery, romance, romantic suspense, chick lit, women’s fiction, children’s chapter books, and nonfiction. Kirkus Reviews dubbed her critically acclaimed Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery series, “North Jersey’s more mature answer to Stephanie Plum.” In addition, Lois is a former literary agent and an award-winning craft and needlework designer who often draws much of her source material for both her characters and plots

Would You Take This Advice?

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As the calendar turns, it seems like we’re bombarded with suggestions about how to improve our happiness and well-being in the new year. Much of this purported wisdom comes from professional gurus, some from ordinary folks, and some—heaven help us—from chatbots. A meme I recently came across suggested that we had to invent artificial intelligence because we are running out of real intelligence. But I digress…

The New York Times columnist, Melissa Kirsch, asked her readers to share the best advice they got in the past year. A few ideas were practical, such as: “Don’t think harder, breathe deeper.” Or, “Baby steps still move us forward.” Or, “Always have a bottle of champagne chilling in the fridge.”

And others seemed less helpful, such as “You don’t need to tell everyone everything that goes into making the chicken soup.”

I’m guessing that one was from a chatbot.

If you take advice from TEDTalk gurus or best-seller book lists, you’ve probably come across the podcaster Mel Robbins and her blockbuster “Let Them” theory. At its core is this message: Don’t waste your energy worrying about people and situations beyond your control. Let them be stupid, mean, or just plain wrong, and get on with your life.

I received similar advice years ago. After venting my frustration over a personal relationship, an older and wiser woman of few words, responded, “When you argue with a fool, there are two fools arguing.” She saved me from allowing an untenable situation to ruin my life. It’s been a lesson I’ve returned to time and again.

When our family doctor retired, we thought we’d lost his gentle, humorous counsel forever. But he recently reappeared as a columnist on The Buzz, a local publication that’s often fun to read. On New Year’s Day, he cited a university’s report showing that less than ten percent of resolutions are kept, and almost half are abandoned before the end of the month.

The good doctor’s believes it would help if we promised ourselves to do something less boring than lose weight or exercise more. “Why not resolve to do things that you really secretly want to do,” he asks, like “eat some chocolate every day?” Wise man.

Still, the urge is strong at New Year’s to look inward for ways to improve ourselves. My own resolutions tend to revolve around my writing career, which puts me in mind of the main character in my Samantha Newman Mystery Series.

Samantha is too headstrong to worry about any personal shortcomings, even though they often lead her into dangerous territory. When she sees an injustice, she dives headfirst into fixing the situation. So far, she’s survived relatively unscathed. But will she make it through another dicey situation?

We’ll see. In the meantime, let’s all cut ourselves a little slack.

Have fun, be well, and no matter what… have a great year!

Gay Yellen began her award-winning writing career in magazine journalism. She also was the contributing editor for the international thriller, Five Minutes to Midnight (Delacorte), which debuted as a New York Times “Notable.” Her Samantha Newman Mystery Series is packed with suspense and laced with touches of romance, heart, and humor. Find it on Amazon or through your favorite bookseller. 

 

Dead, but Not Forgotten

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Galvez Hotel

Galvez Hotel

Dead, but Not Forgotten:

Murder at the Galvez

When asked whether I use real people as inspiration for my stories, I tell folks that there are so many imaginary characters in my head vying for my attention that I don’t need inspiration from a real person. Except—there’s always an exception—right?

When I started writing MURDER AT THE GALVEZ, the third mystery in my Sydney Lockhart series set in Galveston, Texas, I used a real person in the first paragraph merely to jump-start the story.

My husband is from Galveston, and his grandfather, PoPo, who was the doorman at the Tremont Hotel, always had a pack of teaberry gum in his pocket. I’d never met him, but I couldn’t help but wonder what life as a doorman at a fancy hotel would be like. (Note: before I chose the Galvez Hotel for the book, I’d planned to set the mystery in the Tremont Hotel until I learned it was temporarily closed during the time the story takes place.) Thus, I gave PoPo the name James Robert Lockhart, made him the doorman at the Galvez Hotel, and Sydney’s grandfather.

As in all my Sydney Lockhart mysteries, Sydney checks into a hotel, someone is murdered, and she’s the primary suspect. I needed a reason for Sydney to be at the hotel, and what better reason than to visit her grandfather? But wait, he’d already passed away, so to bring him into the story, I have Sydney reminisce about the last time she saw him, when she was eleven.

When I was little, I used to run up the hotel’s front steps, and PoPo would say, “Let me get the door for you, ma’am.” He’d bow and open the door with a flourish. As I passed, he’d say, “Welcome to the Galvez, Miss Lockhart. Enjoy your stay.” I would lift my chin like a queen. Then I’d reach into his coat pocket and pull out a pack of Teaberry chewing gum.—Sydney Lockhart

Having Sydney reminisce wasn’t enough, so I had to develop this character and give him more purpose, which led to Sydney’s last visit with him being a traumatic experience.

In the 1940s and 1950s, Galveston was a rough-and-tumble gambling town that earned the title “Sin City of the Southwest.” A few powerful crime families operated illegal casinos, speakeasies, and backroom bookie joints that attracted tourists and celebrities. A hotel doorman would surely have inside information and connections to these establishments and operations. With this in mind, James Robert Lockhart began to develop.

Whenever my family came to the island for a visit, I’d make a beeline to the Galvez Hotel and stand next to Popo while he greeted guests. People who saw us together knew instantly that I was his granddaughter. We were cut from the same mold: tall, thin, and redheaded. I was proud of that fact, for James Robert Lockhart was the most handsome man I’d ever seen. When I found him crumpled on the floor in the hotel foyer, his body riddled with bullet holes, I knew my life would never be the same. Now, as I stepped into the lobby eighteen years later, the memory of that day hit me square in the gut.—Sydney Lockhart

Sydney had no intention of ever setting foot in the hotel again, but when she was assigned to write a news story about a planning conference at the Galvez involving a controversial development project on the island, she had to suck it up and go. As always, someone was murdered, but what if this murder was connected to the murder of James Robert Lockhart? Now I was building him a backstory in which Sydney suspected her grandfather wasn’t who he seemed. Soon she realized that clearing herself of murder charges meant delving deeper into her grandfather’s history.

One thing led to another, and Lockhart skeletons began jumping out of closets too close to home. So, was James Robert Lockhart a notorious con artist or someone who always did the right thing, regardless of the consequences? Either way, Sydney had to find out, and so did I.

Since then, Sydney has shared with me a few survival skills she learned from her grandfather: how to hotwire a car, pick a lock with a bobby pin, and win at five-card draw. Dead, but not forgotten, Popo’s influence and teaching made Sydney who she is.

PoPo had an unquenchable fascination with the wonders of life and had steered me toward more practical directions. He taught me to appreciate the creatures that washed ashore after high tide, the majesty of constellations as they traveled across the sky, and flocks of birds that descended on the beach after fleeing an offshore storm. He even took me on my first Christmas bird count.—Sydney Lockhart/MURDER AT THE MENGER

I’m sure the real PoPo was the benevolent grandfather my husband remembered, and if PoPo is reading this from upstairs, I hope he’s smiling down on me.

Look for my seventh Sydney Lockhart mystery, where PoPo’s lessons save Sydney’s tush once again. It’s scheduled for release in spring 2026. The hotel, and hence the title, remains a secret until pre-lease. Check out my other Sydney mysteries: https://kathleenkaska.com/

The Christmas Carols - 3 Novellas of romance and crime from Bethany Maines

Christmas the Movie Way

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Christmas Strikes Back

A few years ago, I became interested in scriptwriting. Like many people, I assumed that after a lifetime of watching movies that writing them couldn’t be that hard.  I’ll pause here for your laughter to die down.  Specifically, I was interested in Christmas movies and why they sucked.  Which is unfair, one person’s terminally bland Christmas movie is another person’s soothing blankie that keeps the holiday season from emerging from under the bed and devouring them whole.  I didn’t want gritty reality Christmas, but I did want something more.  And since that didn’t exist, I set out to write it myself.

Cookies for Christmas

On the whole, I enjoy Christmas movies, but the problems arise from the Hallmark rules that keep Hallmark movies on brand — no cancer or dying, celebrate small towns, low stakes, etc.  I get why those movies exist.  Viewers want a sugar cookie movie, not a complicated dessert.  But I didn’t understand why we couldn’t have Christmas stories with a little more… ass kicking.  You see, I also love action movies — they are an excellent chocolate chip cookie of a movie.  (Which is why I also stand firm in my belief that Die Hard is a Christmas movie, but that’s a topic for another blog.)   So over the last several years, I’ve explored how to make the perfect Christmas cookie.  They have all the sugar, fluff, and icing, but sometimes you need a few chocolate chunks and nuts.  And I’ve accumulated three novellas worth of Christmas desserts.

Christmas Traditions

The challenge to writing a Christmas crime story was in finding the right mix of romance, holiday tropes, and humor to make people feel both awwww Christmas and Yippe-kai-yay MFers!  This required research and I dutifully watched, Die Hard, It’s a Wonderful Life, Lethal Weapon, and White Christmas as well as many others.  And OK, I also took a few classes on writing Hallmark and Christmas movies.  But popcorn and couch time is way more fun than studying and learning from experts. So if you’re looking for a Christmas story that feels a little more hefty, but still hits that sugar craving, check out The Christmas Carols.

The Christmas Carols

Blue Christmas: Buy Now • GET IT FOR FREE

Blue Jones just stole Jake Garner’s dog. And his heart. But technically the French Bulldog, Jacques, belongs to Jake’s ex-girlfriend. And soon Jake is being pressured to return the dog and Blue is being targeted by mysterious attackers. Can Jake find Blue and Jacques before her stalkers do? For Blue, Christmas has never been quite so dangerous. For Jake, Christmas has never been quite so Blue.

Oh Holy Night: Buy Now

Graphic designer Violet Harper is usually found at her local Starbucks. Handsome Roman Knox is usually carrying a gun. But tonight they’re both in a bank and there’s a body on the floor. It’s a mess, a robbery and almost the worst day ever, but maybe a Christmas miracle can get them out of the bank and into love.

Winter Wonderland: Buy Now

When Marcus Winters, a photographer with a bah humbug take on the holidays, meets Larissa Frost, a set designer who loves all things Christmas, sparks are destined to fly. But when a famous diamond goes missing from the shoot they’re working on Larissa finds that Marcus may be the only one who can keep her from being framed for a crime she didn’t commit.

Or get all three Christmas Carols in hardback: https://amzn.to/3Uj9PLh

Like your chocolate chips, but not at Christmas?

Try out the 12 Knights of Christmas anthology from Buttonhall Publishing featuring 12 delightful tales of Christmas, including my story “Carol of the Bells.” These stories are all romantic and certified sugar sweetness. (Available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and as an audiobook.)  BUY NOW: https://books2read.com/12Knights

 

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Bethany Maines is the award-winning author of action-adventure and fantasy tales that focus on women who know when to apply lipstick and when to apply a foot to someone’s hind end. She participates in many activities, including swearing, karate, art, and yelling at the news. She can usually be found chasing after her daughter or glued to the computer working on her next novel (or screenplay). You can also catch up with her on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and BookBub.

And don’t forget to check out all the books from The Stiletto Gang: Books

Food Fight by Gay Yellen

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I’ve been stuck in a vigorous debate over an important cultural matter. It’s a food fight, of sorts, only with cookbooks. It would be nice to clean up the mess once and for all. So, here’s your chance to weigh in on the silliness.

Are you familiar with the ongoing on-line debate over whether a hot dog is or is not a sandwich? Well, my beef (!) is similar, except it’s about doughnuts.

Let’s start with a bit of history:

Today is National Pastry Day. A reason to rejoice, because the list of pastries associated with this event is mouth-watering, and includes one of my favorites: doughnuts.

A Wikipedia entry defines the doughnut as “a type of pastry made from leavened dough,” which seems straightforward enough to begin with. Wiki continues to state that it may come in many shapes, which explains the latest popular spinoff, the cronut, a mash up with another delicious pastry, the croissant. Given short shrift in the definition is the one made of cake, which contains no leavening yeast.

Lovers of the knock-off seem as passionate about their choice as I am of mine, the addictive, puffy, sugar-glazed delight which has fueled me through many long days at the keyboard.

In my world, as long as the doughnut-adjacent sweet remains qualified by its “cake” modifier, it may be okay, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the real thing.

A bagel is similar in shape, but at least it has the dignity not to call itself a “bread” doughnut.

I believe a cake donut is merely cake trying to pass itself off as a something more interesting. This doesn’t preclude other people from  calling the doughnut-adjacent treat whatever they want. But it will never be the real thing for me.

Which brings us back to the hot dog debate.

If, as some skeptics claim, a hot dog is not a sandwich, I’d ask why the lowly sausage between two pieces of bread doesn’t deserve that appellation. If you slice a tomato, add some cheese, lettuce, and maybe a little turkey‚ then put it all between two pieces of mayo-slathered bread, is that a sandwich, or a chef salad?

I love doughnuts so much, I lent my addiction to the heroine in my Samantha Newman Series. Sam has been known to scarf down a few whenever she’s stressed. And in Book 3, The Body in the News, she manages to bond with a potential murder suspect over their shared appreciation of the glazed goodies.

Perhaps, one day all of us will settle our differences and agree on the same gastronomic appellation of a doughnut/pastry/cake thingy. Then, we could meet in the middle to share a baker’s dozen.

And from there, perhaps, move on to weightier subjects, like sharing Peace on Earth.

Where do you stand in the hot dog sandwich controversy? What about the doughnut/cake/pastry debate?

Gay Yellen’s award-winning writing career began in magazine journalism.  She later served as the contributing editor for the international thriller, Five Minutes to Midnight (Delacorte), which debuted as a New York Times “Notable.”

The Samantha Newman Mystery Series is packed with suspense and laced with touches of romance, heart, and humor. Available on Amazon or order through your favorite bookseller. 

 

Book Cover with Easter Basket

Guest – Award-Winning Author – Catriona McPherson

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Book Cover with Easter BasketToday we welcome back the lovely and uber-talented Catriona McPherson who has stopped by to share a bit about her soon to be released book, SCOT’S EGGS. Catriona is an Agatha, Anthony, Lefty, and Macavity Award-Winning Author.

And Kirkus Reviews says this book has it all: “a loopy, lovable Northern California crew … a baffling double murder … a brisk, clever whodunit”

We can’t wait to hear about this latest book in the Lexy Campbell Last Ditch series. Take it away, Catriona! 

As Scot’s Eggs opens, it’s Easter morning and Lexy is finding out – yet again – that she’s not needed on the nest.

I love writing the Monster-of-the-Week plots, each one more ludicrous than the last, but even more than that I love writing the long arc of the character development for the Last Ditch Motel crew. Especially Lexy. I had her falling in love at Valentine’s and then marrying at the Midsummer Solstice, so it would have made sense to have her pregnant at Easter, season of fecundity, effulgence and general burgeoning.

But these are comedies, so instead I’ve made her beginning to worry that she’s left it a bit late and it might never happen. What’s funny about that, you might be asking. Well, for a start, Lexy’s best friend Todd has no boundaries. Here’s a scene from early in the book. Lexy is in the shower and Todd is . . . visiting:

‘And . . . don’t get all uppity and start telling me I’m overstepping,’ Todd said, ‘but I don’t think you should assume it’s you. I’ve seen Taylor’s underwear. I mean, I tried to block it out for crimes against style but also it’s not healthy. So I’ve put some super-drapey satin boxers in his top drawer and removed the offending items. But still, you should send him to have a sperm test.’

‘He’s twenty-nine,’ I said. ‘I’m thirty-seven. And what on earth made you think I’d see this as over-stepping?’

‘Oh,’ said Todd. ‘Well, good. I just never know with you. But to your main point. Investigating your fertility is invasive and expensive. Given that your cycle is regular and you’re tuned into it, and given that Taylor can find out how his guys are after ten fun minutes with a magazine, it makes sense to dot that i first.’

‘And you’re basing the notion that my cycle is regular on . . .’

‘The fact that I gave you a link to an ovulation app months ago and you would have told me if it wasn’t.’

‘Right,’ I said, turning off the water. ‘No overstepping there.’

Also, I’ve got a lot of experience of infertility, and black humour was essential to counteract the hormones and disappointment. My God, those hormones. There was a time when my dad and I were taking exactly the same cocktail, he to treat prostate cancer and I to get to a baseline and let the doctors start with a clean slate. We were each as touchy and weepy as the other. If my mum and my husband hadn’t been able to laugh they’d have beaten us to a pulp and gone out drinking. In the end the treatment kept my dad healthy for over twenty years. Me? Nine rounds of IUI/IVF after which I had no kids and no money. See? Black humour is the only way.

But the thing I really needed jokes for was to do battle with people’s cluelessness. Some of it was kindly meant. “Get yourself a great big rose quartz crystal” was one I’ll never forget. “Okay,” I said. “And do I still need Neil? Or will the crystal do everything?”

“Oh my God, I get pregnant if he looks at me across the room!” was harder to believe came from a helpful place. How did I deal with that one? Once I said, “Ah well, nobody gets everything.” And then left them wondering what I thought they lacked. Another time when I said nothing at all in response to a near stranger gloating about her good luck and my bad, she followed up with “Sorry. I just say whatever I’m thinking.” “Not me,” I told her. “I’m not saying anything close to what I’m thinking, right this minute.” Someone else at the party choked on their drink trying not to laugh, which helped.

Isn’t it weird? The only other thing I’ve come across that makes people boast about their superior fortune is insomnia. Ever noticed that? If someone says they have trouble sleeping, it’s the cue for someone else to say, “Oh I’m gone as soon as my head hits the pillow. I could sleep on a knife.” It’s a wonder no one ever asks them to prove it.

Imagine if that happened with breast cancer. “I’ve just had a double mastectomy.” “Ho-ho, not me. Look at these puppies!” To quote Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, “People eat blood sausage, Rita. People are morons.”

But the most frequent clueless remark encountered when you’re childless not by choice is . . . Can you guess? I’ll give a clue. I seriously considered writing a little etiquette book called Yes, We’ve Considered Adoption. It was wild the number of women – always women – who truly believed they’d solved a fertility problem for me, five minutes after meeting me at a party or other event. I composed a range of responses:

“Adoption? Oh my God! You’re a genius. Excuse me, I need to go and tell Neil.”

“We did adopt once but they were ugly so we sold them.”

“We failed the screening process.”

That last one was particularly ideal if their children were running around. And you know what really stewed my prunes? If there were men present, the subject never came up. In fact, Neil has never been asked a follow-up question to the “Do you have kids?” opener in his jammy wee life. Hmph.

Anyway, I found it just as much fun to write Lexy’s conception woes as I thought I would. All I need to do now is toss a coin and decide whether it’s going to work out for her or if she’s going to go down the same road as me. I must admit, it wasn’t fun and chuckles right to the end. Maybe I’ll knock her up. It’s nice to be in charge, I must say.

A bit more about the book:

It’s egg-hunt season, but Lexy’s spending Easter hunting a killer!

Not even Cuento’s Easter bonnet parade can distract Lexy Campbell from fertility woes and missing tourists Bill and Billie Miller. The Millers’ vintage Mustang has been abandoned, its interior covered in blood.

Is this a double murder, and if so, where are the bodies? Why were the Millers spending the night in their car? Did they pitch up at the Last Ditch Motel only to be turned away? Are they really dead? Trinity for Trouble are on the case!

As they start to identify the guests staying at the motel the weekend before Easter – including a Goth and a barbershop singer on stilts – disturbing evidence comes to light. Can Lexy see though all the deception to unmask the truth and save the Last Ditch?

Reminder: The book comes out December 2nd but is available for pre-order now. 

Photo author Catriona McPhersonAnd bit more about Catriona:

Catriona McPherson (she/her) was born in Scotland and immigrated to the US in 2010. A former linguistics professor, she is now a full-time fiction writer and has published: preposterous 1930s private-detective stories about a toff; realistic 1940s amateur-sleuth stories about an oik; and contemporary psychothriller standalones. These are all set in Scotland with a lot of Scottish weather. She also writes modern comic crime capers about a Scot-out-of-water in a “fictional” college town in Northern California sneezedavissneeze.

Catriona is a proud lifetime member and former national president of Sisters in Crime.

For more about her and her books, check out her website at:  www.catrionamcpherson.com

 

A Cozy Holiday Whodunnit Sale

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By Lois Winston

What’s better than a cozy holiday whodunnit? A cozy holiday whodunit sale!

Are you someone who curates your reading for each holiday? Holiday whodunnits are always a treat to pick up, especially this time of year. Not only do readers love holiday-themed cozies, but many of us also love writing them. Some authors even have holiday themed series. Although I haven’t yet penned a holiday-themed series (but who knows where my writing will take me in the future?) I love incorporating holidays into my books. The spooky atmosphere of Halloween seeps through A Stitch to Die For as well as the book I’m currently finishing.

However, Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. For that reason, there are two Christmas-themed books in my Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery series, and I’ll probably write another at some point. In Anastasia’s world, when the snowflakes start falling, it’s beginning to look a lot like murder, and she never knows when she’ll find a corpse in a sleigh. (Hint: she does!)

That’s what happens in Handmade Ho-Ho Homicide, the eighth book in the series, which is currently on sale through November 14th for only .99 cents.

Handmade Ho-Ho Homicide

An Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery, Book 8

Two and a half weeks ago magazine crafts editor Anastasia Pollack arrived home to find Ira Pollack, her half-brother-in-law, had blinged out her home with enough Christmas lights to rival Rockefeller Center. Now he’s crammed her small yard with enormous cavorting inflatable characters. She and photojournalist boyfriend (and possible spy) Zack Barnes pack up the unwanted lawn decorations to return to Ira. They arrive to find his yard the scene of an over-the-top Christmas extravaganza. His neighbors are not happy with the animatronics, laser light show, and blaring music creating traffic jams on their normally quiet street. One of them expresses his displeasure with his fists before running off.

In the excitement, the deflated lawn ornaments are never returned to Ira. The next morning Anastasia once again heads to his house before work to drop them off. When she arrives, she discovers Ira’s attacker dead in Santa’s sleigh. Ira becomes the prime suspect in the man’s murder and begs Anastasia to help clear his name. But Anastasia has promised her sons she’ll keep her nose out of police business. What’s a reluctant amateur sleuth to do?

Christmas craft projects included.

A cozy holiday whodunnit sale!

Kindle    Kobo    Nook    Apple Books

Grab a copy of Handmade Ho-Ho Homicide for yourself, then cozy up under your favorite quilt with a cup of hot cocoa, peppermint tea, some mulled cider, or even a hot toddy. But don’t forget about all your cozy-loving friends and family. Gift them a copy. They’ll certainly appreciate it more than that annual leaden fruit cake!

Are you someone who loves reading holiday-themed cozies? Or an author who loves writing them? Post a comment for a chance to win a promo code for a free audiobook download of any of the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mysteries.

~*~

USA Today and Amazon bestselling and award-winning author Lois Winston writes mystery, romance, romantic suspense, chick lit, women’s fiction, children’s chapter books, and nonfiction. Kirkus Reviews dubbed her critically acclaimed Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery series, “North Jersey’s more mature answer to Stephanie Plum.” In addition, Lois is a former literary agent and an award-winning craft and needlework designer who often draws much of her source material for both her characters and plots from her experiences in the crafts industry. Learn more about Lois and her books at her website www.loiswinston.com. Sign up for her newsletter to receive an Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mini-Mystery.

Killer Nashville Writers’ Conference, Waterfalls, & Wicked

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By Lois Winston

Cumberland Falls

I’m exhausted! But I’m not complaining. Just stating a fact. The last month has been a good exhaustion filled with family, writers, and accolades.

First, at the end of July, my husband and I took our soon-to-be nine and eleven-year-old grandsons to Cumberland Falls State Park in Kentucky for four days. The falls are billed as the Niagara Falls of the South. I’m wondering if whoever came up with that slogan has ever been to Niagara Falls. I have. Twice. Talk about false advertising! I’ve seen bigger waterfalls in New Jersey! That said, though, the boys had a great time panning for gemstones.

We also spent a day at a waterpark and another at an entertainment complex that featured bowling, a multiplex theater, an arcade, and a restaurant. We did it all because that was the day the temperatures hovered near 100 degrees. New Jersey is known for its hazy, hot, and humid Augusts. As a kid, I lived through many without benefit of air-conditioning. But after four years living in Tennessee, I’m still not used to the oppressive heat of the South. I may never get used to it!

A week after we returned to Tennessee, my nineteen-year-old granddaughter arrived, and the two of us flew to New York for five days. Zoe hadn’t been to New York since she was nine years old, and when I asked her where she’d like to go, she immediately said New York City. She’s definitely got my genes!

Luckily, the heat wasn’t too bad while we were in Manhattan, and we walked everywhere. We met a writer friend of mine for dinner in Chelsea, walked the High Line back to our midtown hotel, spent a day at the Museum of Modern Art, another at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and saw the Broadway production of Wicked.

Stiletto Gang members Debra H. Goldstein, Gay Yellen, and Lois Winston at the Killer Nashville Writers’ Conference

A week after arriving back in Tennessee, it was time for the Killer Nashville Writers’ Conference. I had been asked to give a Keynote Address at Saturday night’s banquet. I was also a finalist in the Best Comedy category of the Silver Falchion Awards for Sorry, Knot Sorry. I had no expectation of winning because A Crafty Collage of Crime had won the year before. Much to my amazement, my name was called!

 Lois Winston at Killer Nashville Writers’ Conference

Stiletto Gang members Gay Yellen and Debra H. Goldstein also attended the conference. That’s the three of us in the photo. The other photo is of me, either making my acceptance speech or giving the Keynote.

Anyway, like I said at the beginning of this post, I’m exhausted, but it’s a happy exhaustion, and I’ll be spending the remainder of this week catching up and hopefully adding to the word count of my current work-in-progress because the following week is going to be devoted to prep for that dreaded test we all have to go through every five years.

How has your summer been? Post a comment for a chance to win a promo code for a free audiobook download of any of the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mysteries. 

~*~

USA Today and Amazon bestselling and award-winning author Lois Winston writes mystery, romance, romantic suspense, chick lit, women’s fiction, children’s chapter books, and nonfiction. Kirkus Reviews dubbed her critically acclaimed Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery series, “North Jersey’s more mature answer to Stephanie Plum.” In addition, Lois is a former literary agent and an award-winning craft and needlework designer who often draws much of her source material for both her characters and plots from her experiences in the crafts industry. Learn more about Lois and her books at her website www.loiswinston.com. Sign up for her newsletter to receive an Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mini-Mystery.

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